gdslik's Journal

          I guess I'm back to square one. Just when I think we're making progress, something happens and I have to start questioning things again. For the last 7 months, I've been talking to James about the importance of getting money saved up for our wedding. The only money we have in savings is what I put there a month ago from my tax returns, and we still have the trip to his son's graduation in May. I get so angry. Seven months and I haven't been able to get him to save anything towards our wedding. Now it's 6 months away and he is still dragging his damn feet.

          You know, he proposed in a restaurant with my parents and an aunt and uncle present. We have been telling our friends and family that the planned wedding date in Sept. 19. I feel like an idiot for telling anyone anything. For doing any planning without having half of the money ready to go. Tonite, I told him we really need to budget and sacrifice a little so that we'll have enough by the date. He kind of hems and haws and says that the time we spend going out together is very important to him. I'm about ready to just tell him, 'Wake up dammit! Where are your friggin' priorities?' I will not be married in a courthouse. End of discussion. I will not have a 'backyard BBQ' for my reception! No way. I tell him this is the one and only time I will walk down the isle, and it must be special. Not expensive, just special. I'm starting to believe that he just doesn't care if we do this now or 5 years from now. Maybe I've been kidding myself all along when I thought that I had found the man I would marry. Poor, stupid Gwen thought she had finally won, when the truth is she'll never have anything worth having. Maybe I should be saying 'Wake up, Gwen'