psyche's Journal

Once again I have a ticket on the lonely change. I think I have a life time pass.  So many folks remind me of how much I have going for myself and I agree.  I'm in great shape with the materal things in life...now if I could just get my tits off the floor. I know that I don't have the type of looks that men look at twice, but I do have a mouth and I'm funny, but it goes back to no one dated the class clown in high school either. Chris Farwly comes to mind. I try to volunteer and because I don't have a local person to "speak up" for me I don't get considered. So I sit in my trailer with too much time on my life. I dream of Scott.  There for a number of months I didn't talk to him or even really care but now that the time has passed and I've spent so much money on him all the old feelings have come up again.  I left Steve and that was hard, but it's 10X harder being the one that's left. Oh can he just love me one day and then the next not feel anything for me...he never gave me a chance to get back. He never, ever wants to see me again which means to me that he has a girlfriend and he knows that I'm alone.  I can't even image sex with someone new at this point but I need love.  Why does god hate me. What did I do to be punished like this? If I'm not told what I did wrong how can I change it?  I'm lost and I need to rest...a very love rest.