I'm doing well today. The sun …
I'm doing well today. The sun is shining and it's a good day. I don't know how to change my mood …
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psyche 
I always thought that I would die from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Well, my new pain management doctor ( god, bless her, is giviing me move methadone ) than anyone person could take in a life time. So I'm supposed to go to the State Hosptial this week and if I do in the state of VA I lose all rights to buy guns. But I get to buy lethal drugs.....hmmmm. Now seriouls I'm hoping that the hospital will help...yea, right. But I doubt it. And since men and well, people openly talk about ugly I am I know that at this age I will never ever have love (much less sex) again in my life. So now I have two plans. NOW THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE PLAN. I HOPE IT WORKS. I REALLY DO. BUT JUST IN CASE ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SAVE A FEW MONTHS OF DRUGS AND SLEEP THE SLEEP OF THE DEAD........now I have found that for most of my life I have always asked myself the question. What did I do to to desire this life? Who did I hurt? Who did I kill? What did I, myself, me, do? and still no answer? I have been saved? been lost again, christian, jewish, and everything in between.....why do we desire this? People tend not to believe me, but I don't have any family. No mother, no fater, no boyfriend, my brother hasn't spoken to me in over a year.......my step brotehr is so successful we never know where he is and my step sister is overwhelmedwith her family............what did I do god,universive? I can't change it if I don't know?
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i know, i feel as if i must've been a bad, bad girl before this life and this is hell and my punishment.
NitaSue62
hun some of us are just dealt a shitty hand and frankly I think we are just doomed to hell for being us.But I always try to look at the good things that I have had and have in my life and that makes me get through another day.So I do hope for you that you can find the sunshine in your life and that will keep you going as well as I hope the hospital will help you too. Please Take Care Of Yourself LOVE YOU xo
giggy
Sometimes I feel the same way. But I've come to view those thoughts as broken records and try to distract myself. One thing to concider about suicide is that you may not die and end up worse off.
Maryca
yes, dear but I wouldn't know it now would I......
psyche
Your words "I always thought I would die from a self-inflicted gun shot wound" really got to me. My dad always believed that. He used to say that suicide was the most selfish way out. He died Feb. 25, 1998 from a self inflicted gun shot wound. I don't know you or your situation. But I do know this for sure. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!! You are here for a reason. I too suffer from unbearable pain each and everyday. Ending it all seems like heaven sometimes. But you know what as hard as it is you have to try and find that little bit of whatever and just try and get through one more day, hour, minute whatever you can. You were put here on this earth to do something amazing in God's eyes. You were given the challenges in your life to make you stronger than most and he knew you could handle them. You may never know why but there is a reason. You were supposed to be here. Please stay and find out why....Lots of love, courage and hugs....Jen
JLS