I'm doing well today. The sun …
I'm doing well today. The sun is shining and it's a good day. I don't know how to change my mood …
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psyche 
VENTING BEWARE BAD LANGUAGE AND QUESTIONING GOD
MY hands are bleeding from hitting the walls repeatly. My throat hurts and my voice is hoarsh from screaming to God. If god is suppose to love me stop to love me so damn much then I hope he starts to love me alittle less cause I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The mofo.....of I love you my child.....I called for volunteers to help me, no return calls, my parents are dead, my boyfriend left me....I AM TOTALLY FUCKING ALONE YOU MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD.....DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY TO PULL THE WINGS OFF YOUR SUBJECTS....MAKE MORE JOBS......KILLED JOBS WIFE AND KIDS BUT GAVE HIM MORE......MAYBE HE WANTED THE ORIGINAL ONES....YOU ACT LIKE WOMAN AND KIDS ARE INTERCHANGEABLE........I HAVE NO FAMILY AND NO FRIENDS ......NO ONE YOU BASTARD....HAPPY.....OH, THAT'S RIGHT....MY REWARD WILL BE IN HEAVEN SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT IN THE ASS BITCH.....LIVE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 TO 30 YEARS....MAYBE GET RAPED AGAIN WHATEVER I WHAT FOR YOU TAKE IT....YEA, BABY JUST LIKE THAT, SLAP, LIKE IT BITCH....YEA, GOD, TO ME FEELS LIKE A RAPIST.......I HAVE DONE NOTHING YOU FUCKING BASTARD TO DESIRE THIS, OH BUT THAT'S RIGHT......GOOD PEOPLE GET TO SUFFER AND BAD PEOPLE CAN PROSPER.......ALL I WANTED WAS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED.....I SURVIVED A LIVING HELL IN CHILDHOOD WITH THE AID OF MY MOM......TOOK HER, TOOK MY WONDERFUL STEP DAD, TOOK MY IN LAWS, TOOK MY BOYFRIEND. MOVED ME TO A ISOLATED AREA......NO LOVE FOR ME....YOU FUCKING NAZI.......I'M A JEW IN A TOWN OF CHRISTIANS AND SO NO WHERE TO GO FOR COMFORT....OLD, NO LOOKS, UGLY FAT, I HATE YOU.....WANT ME TO SWALLOW OR RUB IT ALL OVER ME WHEN YOU COME......SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-------------------------MORE HITTING THE WALL, MORE BLOOD......THERE WILL BE BLOOD TONIGHT.....LOTS OF BLOOD BUT NO DEATH.......NO RELIEF FOR ME....NO.....JUST SCREAMS IN THE NIGHT........I WILL LOCK THE ANIMALS OUT OF THE ROOM........I WANT NO TOUCH ON MY BURNING SKIN.......I MIGHT SNAP AND HURT THEM.....MY SCREAMING HAS ALREADY HURT THEM IN THEIR HEARTS, BUT TONIGHT I WILL BE VISITING HELL AND NO VISITORS ALLOWED.
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I am here for you,You are not in hell and if you are I am here for you in hell as well.YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE EVER G/F. BE STRONG YOU CAN DO IT HUN YOU REALLY CAN. AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE I AM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS. LOVE YOU HUN XOXO
giggy
If I was able I would drive straight to you and do all that I could to help you! Right now, I am caring for my dying mother and can not leave. I am so sorry that you are going through all of these awful emotions. I all alone as well and I know how hard it is. I have a daughter that does not care if I live or die, never calls me and thinks only of herself. My husband walked out on me when I started to get sick and never returned. I lost both homes and have been homeless while trying to get SSDI. I know what you are feeling. I am so sorry. I can tell you that with God's help that I am on my way back to the top. It has taken over 10 years and a lot of spiritual growth but I am finally getting my life back. I know that you are angry with God at the moment and it appears that He is not with you but He is. He is waiting for you to make the decision to give it all to Him. When you do, your life will begin to completely turn around. It is hard to give up control of our lives, especially when rape is involved. But to reap the benefits of God's love and protection this is what we must do. One day at a time is all that He promises us. Trusting Him to bring us through. You are so angry and bitter. Are you recieving any counseling? Hon, you would really benefit from seeking some help with all of this rage. Doesn't matter if you teach psychology. Applying the principals is much harder and you seem to need some help with that. I am here for you if you want to talk. You are not all alone. We are here for you. God is with you even while you are angry with Him. I have been where you are now and I care what happens to you.
Love and Hugs,
Rhonda
rrowley