psyche's Journal

Well, I tried to do the right thing. I got on a couple of different sites looking for some help or some insight and nada. I seem to shut down a line of discussion pretty good.  I remember when I first got of DS I would spend 5 to 6 hours literally with just one person talking to them. Hell, when I worked I got well alot of money for talking to people but now I'm a "queen bitch" and such and now I don't responses except from dear friends......I'm going off now to crying and to try and talk to god for awhile....I still demand that he explain to me what I did wrong to be punished like this....what did I do wrong?  I NEVER told about my dad until last year. but maybe i didn't do what he wanted right and god's mad...being a dude and all....who the hell knows what I did.  If I can figure out what I did wrong then I can change it.  I don't want to live anymore.  I now use the "Goodnight Mother" which is from a Broadway play.  Some may recognize it....it's a woman convincing her mother why she is going to kill herself and in the end the mother says whatever......my mom understood how out of place I was.......so Goodnight Mother....I miss you mommey.

P.s.  I got a nasty letter from my therapist that since I missed my last appt (car trouble) that I'm getting banned.  Love ya too sweetheart......it just keeps getting better.....thanks Jesus.....love ya dude