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Journal Entry for April 24, 2008 Mood
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | A Call For Help story

Well, I tried to do the right thing. I got on a couple of different sites looking for some help or some insight and nada. I seem to shut down a line of discussion pretty good.  I remember when I first got of DS I would spend 5 to 6 hours literally with just one person talking to them. Hell, when I worked I got well alot of money for talking to people but now I'm a "queen bitch" and such and now I don't responses except from dear friends......I'm going off now to crying and to try and talk to god for awhile....I still demand that he explain to me what I did wrong to be punished like this....what did I do wrong?  I NEVER told about my dad until last year. but maybe i didn't do what he wanted right and god's mad...being a dude and all....who the hell knows what I did.  If I can figure out what I did wrong then I can change it.  I don't want to live anymore.  I now use the "Goodnight Mother" which is from a Broadway play.  Some may recognize it....it's a woman convincing her mother why she is going to kill herself and in the end the mother says whatever......my mom understood how out of place I was.......so Goodnight Mother....I miss you mommey.

 

P.s.  I got a nasty letter from my therapist that since I missed my last appt (car trouble) that I'm getting banned.  Love ya too sweetheart......it just keeps getting better.....thanks Jesus.....love ya dude

 

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Comments

  1. NitaSue62

    Honey, you did not do anything wrong at all.please hear me on this. it was your daddy who did the wrong things.
    i'm so sorry you are suffering this way.
    I love you very much,Susan ((((((hugs)))))


    NitaSue62

  2. Netminder

    Therapists are a dime a dozen. You can hire another one. But since you have so many questions for God, when was the last time you enlisted the ear of the local clergy for counseling and support? That might be another plan of action. And it's going to take action - not sleeping away most of the day and staying imprisoned in your residence. If you're not more active and aggressive in beating down your demons, then no one else will be interested in helping you. How long do you plan on allowing your past to destroy your future?


    Netminder

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