I'm doing well today. The sun …
I'm doing well today. The sun is shining and it's a good day. I don't know how to change my mood …
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psyche 
Once again I write about my lack of deserve for the gift of life. I have so many wonderful friends on this site who haven't given up on me even though I have given up on my self. I have stopped going to doctor's appt, because I'm afraid to leave the house and because I don't see any imporment in my mental health. I do now have access to methadone from the pain management physican and I'm hording it. Everyone can quess why. I do have a lady that's been coming in to help me with the cleaning since my physical condition has gotten worse from the fibro. I have thought of writing a note and putting it in an enevolpe with the house keys and taping it to the door and on a day she is scheduled to come put it on the door the day before; take the pills, put the note up instruting her not to enter the house but to call the cops and then it would be over. OVER..What a nice word. I continue to read various religious traits and such and write notes from my past but I have yet to find the momemt when I sinned so much that I was cursed to this life. I hope that by finding the insight or the moment when the sin occured then I might be able to break the demon that holds me in such bitterness and aloneness. My sister is a successful writer and being alone is a comfortable being for her. Not me. I'm cursed. A leper. Cased into the desert with no rope, no guide,no water, no faith only the knowledge that life such as today will go on forever. Women in my family can live to be in there 90's. Why? What did I do wrong? How do I change it? Why do other people get to go to other relationships? I'm sorry, so sorry. I wish I could help someone. I love you all.
Goodnight Mother.
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Sweetie, please stay safe. You didn't sin. God does not punish His children, He loves them, He is crying with you and is right by your side. You didn't do anything wrong, it's the depression trying to get you to give up. Don't let it win. ((((((hugs)))))
BooBooKitty
As surely as tomorrow's Sun will rise, you will rise with it, to continue your battle against your demons. It's a battle that won't be won in one day, one week or one month. And it's a battle that can't be fought without your focus, your determination, your patience, and your willingness to stop comparing your life to the lives of others and to start treating yourself kindly. Happiness is within your reach. But it will take longer than a day or a week to grab it.
Netminder
((((((psyche))))) i wish i had the perfect words to say to you...i just want to say, i love you, plz hold on...go to the hospital? please don't give up.
NitaSue62
You're an angel stuck in a dark place. Please make sure you stay safe and take care of yourself. You might not think it but you've helped me just by posting this. So just by explaining how you feel has helped someone else get through their day.
Tweak