Journal Entry for November 13, 2009
November 13, 2009 10:32pm
a little concerned about making it through tonight.
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babydoll192
2:24am Thursday
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About Me
babydoll192
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About Me
this is the first online thing i have tried for this. i'm not really sure what to expect or if i'm writing the correct information. i am 23 year old female graduate student and teacher. i have done plenty of counseling (never sexual abuse specific), but it does not help me. i have been through 5 counselors and none helped (but to be fair, i only told two of them my sexual abuse history). i have also been on medication which didn't help. therefore i am trying other ways of seeking help such as this site. briefly, i will describe what brings me here: i was abused when i was a child, and as a result i began acting in a very inappropriate manner that caused other incidences. for example, getting naked (by choice) at a party 2 years ago caused a group of men to drug me and place objects and themselves inside of me. 8 years ago (at 15), i got too drunk and woke up to someone having sex with me. that is how i met him, and i ended up dating him for a short while. likewise, flirtatious behavior at a few months ago caused one man to hold me down and force his penis in my mouth. i unfortunately decided to bite, which caused him to then bite my nipple and try to force himself on me (i was very lucky in this situation -- he got scared away when someone came into the room). while i know that nothing excuses the behavior of the men in these situations, i am also fully aware that it was my behavior that caused the situations. i am not an "innocent victim." to make matters worse, i never reported any of these. i never reported the sexual abuse as a child (i even kept my mouth shut when he was reported by my cousin, who was also being abused by him), and i never got a rape kit done. i'm not honestly sure what affects me more: the childhood abuse or the things that have happened since because of my own stupidity. over the last 8 years, i have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, and panic disorder. i do not put much stock into these diagnoses because i sort of think this is all crap.
this is the first online thing i have tried for this. i'm not really sure what to expect or if i'm writing the correct information. i am 23 year old female graduate student and teacher. i have done plenty of counseling (never sexual abuse specific), but it does not help me. i have been through 5 counselors and none helped (but to be fair, i only told two of them my sexual abuse history). i have also been on medication which didn't help. therefore i am trying other ways of seeking help such as this
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Interests
reading, movies, tv, sex, drinking
reading, movies, tv, sex, drinking
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Recent Activity
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Thursday
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babydoll192 updated their status 2:24am
won't be around for a while.…
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babydoll192 changed their mood to Bad 2:23am
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babydoll192 changed their mood to Horrible 2:23am
November 15
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babydoll192 changed their mood to Excellent 10:57pm
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babydoll192 and LoveIsTruth are now friends 9:27pm
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Journal
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PISSED
November 13, 2009 4:10pm
it took me a long time to build up the courage, but i was finally planning on attending a support group yesterday (at the ywca). i had read a …
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Hugbook
Hug
Glad you joined DS and this support group. I'm sending you hugs. Sandy
Hug
Hey there, I will absolutely be your friend. "talk" to me any time you want. Though i must warn you sometimes my work schedule get very long and weird. If it takes awhile for me to get back its because of that, and nothing else
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Thumbs Up
I think that being honest to yourself about your preferred methods of escape and opening up (e.g., to us) about them is *so* important.
Hug
It sounds like you need a hug. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you.
Thanks
:)
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Sexual Abuse
i was sexually abused by my uncle. i never spoke up, even when my cousin reported him for abusing her.
Treatments
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Too Soon to Tell
Open Incest Survivors
babydoll192 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
