sdczernicki's Journal

So, I am taking advantage of the journal option of this website for the first time. I feel very alone in dealing with all of this. I am feelin very nauseous right now, I am really getting sick of being sick! I have never had any problems with upset stomach/headaches before I was put on the cabergoline. So, I must say, I have been lucky up until now to have very good health. It shows how much you really don't appreciate health until you become unhealthy.

One of the worst side effects through all of this has been the depression. I have noticed a rapid and steady decline in morale and an exponential increase in anxiety and feelings of despair. I have been depressed in the past off and on that was mainly a result of situational issus or stress. But right now, (and I will borrow a phrase from another member here) it is a low dragging grinding depression that just makes me feel LOW. I guess you could say that the other depressive feelings throughout my life were just periods of unhappiness.... this is a total depletion of will. 

My whole body hurts, I have a dizzy headache, and waves of nausea all day long. I went to work today and between the walk from my car to the building, I almost fainted and when I got inside made a bee-line for the bathroom to throw up. I couldnt stay and had to go home... Thankfully my boss understands, but I hate not being able to work. Plus, I missed a day's pay and that just doesn't help with my stress levels. 

One of the hardest things is that I live with my fiance and he is so tired when he comes home from school/work ( he's a PhD student comuting 5 hrs a day) that he can't deal with me. He just doenst'  have the energy or the emotional capacity to deal with my mood swings, depression, panic attacks, and my nausea. I love him and I feel badly that I bombard him with bad news hen he walks in the door, but I am soooo messed up by this medication. I dont want to say its "not my fault" but really..... it doesn't even feel like me who is talking and acting the way I do. It feels like some monster has taken over. I need this to stop....