HavensMommy's Journal

I choose rambling because thats what this will be. It will most likley not make any sence to you and hell maybe even to me when I come back to read it, but I just know I need to write what I'm feeling.

Where to start... The begining is always a great place to start i guess.

Jonathan and I where married Nov. 25 2008 (best day of my life) I was ready to have kids right away seeing as how I already had a 6 year old at the time of our marriage, but we made the choice to wait and just enjoy our life together before we added any more kids. Which was really a great choice, because it gave my daughter a chance to really love Jonathan. She loves him more then anything, there a great team, God really new what he was doing when he put Jonathan in our lifes. Hes the best Dad for Haven. Couldn't have been any better if he was her birth father. Anyways, where was I?? Oh yes more kids.

So jump to May 2009, we make the choice to start trying, stop taking the birth control, while Jonathans out of town working so when he gets home we will be good to go. June come around and take a test a no baby. Was CRUSHED but no big deal lots of couples don't get pregant the first time they try. I still cried because we wanted it so bad. So we took a family vacation in July to yellowstone (so pretty) and when we got home I was feeling tired, just though it was from sleeping in a tent for 2 weeks, but wouldn't you know it I was pregant.. YAY

We where so HAPPY. Told all the family right away ( i was like 2-3 weeks) Well then at 7 weeks i had some spotting but no big deal, everything showed that the baby and I where fine. Even got to see him : ) So wonderful and we even named him, our little grape head (because he was about the size of a grape) But because I'm RH- I had to get the Rhagam  shot because you have to get it when your RH- and have had any kind of bleeding. A few weeks , later I had my 1st real mid-wife appointment (10weeks) and I was fine, blood presure was a little high but thats just me ( white coat sendrom, doctors freak me out) but we couldn't hear the babies heart beat which isn't uncoman for early on because the baby is so small.  So the next weeks I had a little bleeding but I didn't worry to much about it because it was just like the 1st time and figured it would stop on its own.So I didn't say anything to my husband the 1st day because he was out of town working and I didn't want him to worry, but by the 3rd day I was starting to get worried so I told him and after talking to the mid-wife I took a few days off work to rest  and getting better. Well by the end of the 1st day at home  I wasn't feeling any better and the bleeding was getting worse. So I went to my OBGYN (that i wasn't using for the pregeancy) and the told me there was nothing they could do, go to the ER. I went to the ER and they took me in right away because my blood pressure was SUPER HIGH... After about 2 hours of testing and what not the gave me the news that I didn't want to hear, there was no heart tones and he was to small to be 11 weeks, maybe 8 weeks at most. I cried and cried and to make matter worse i had to call my husband out of town and give him the news.