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So I have made the decision to do something about my depression. At this point in time I'm not open to taking medication so I've decided to try this route. I'm making a list of all the things that are bothering me in my life right now:
1.No Job/No money
2.Doesn't seem like I can have fun anymore.
3.No energy
4. No friends
5. Overweight/Unhealthy
6. Separated from my daughter.
7. Frequent Heartburn
8. Addicted to Marijuana
9. Always feeling Hopless and uninspired to live life
10. I'm selfish, and not giving enough in my relationship with my girlfriend.
I'm sure some of these problems are connected to one another. A little over a year ago I decided to quit my job. I was getting high everyday at this point, smoking around an 8th of marijuana per day. I justified quitting my job by saying I would go to school, and although after quitting I took the pre-tests and looked at courses, I never followed through with actually going. I made excuses mostly saying that it was because I couldn't get a student loan. Truthfully if I actually put some effort in I'm sure I could find a way to go to school even if its just my parents helping out some.
Anyway for the last year I've hardly left the house. Mostly I've just stayed in my room playing videogames and whatnot. I know that I'm depressed, I can't even find the motivation to do the simplest of tasks sometimes, even feeding myself. I've been having sleep issues but that is probably because I've gotten myself on this messed up schedule of staying up all night and sleeping all day. So for over a year I've been pretty much isolated from the outside world.
I know that I need to quit smoking cannabis, especially to get a job. It's just painful to have to feel everything. I guess thats enough for now. Good to get some things off my chest.
