HopelesslyWaiting's Journal

My teenage years were wonderful but at the same time overwhelming.  I spent many days dealing with what felt like panic attacks.  My heart raced staying at around 120 bpm.  I was constantly thirsty and felt like i was going to pass out everytime i went out in the heat.  I would wake up at 3am and be so hungry i felt like i was starving.  Something just didnt seem right with my heart.  It was always pounding in my chest and it scared me.  But i was scared to go to the doctor.  I just figured no one would listen to me or even believe me.  A few years pass by and i end up getting a lung infection.  I call to set up an appointment but my doctor isnt in and they set me up with a different doctor.  Little did i know this doctor was about to solve the mystery.  He took one look at me and said "Hey your thyroid looks enlarged."  A simple blood test later and it was confirmed i had Graves disease.  Had the iodine uptake test done and the woman couldnt believe how bad mine had gotten.  She stated it was the worst overactive thyroid she had seen.  But i really didnt feel that terrible just very nervous and feeling as though i could never relax.  They pretty much gave me no options except to completely destroy my thyroid.  While sitting in the room to prepare to take the Radioactive iodine pill i was really nervous and had so many questions but they wanted me to hurry and take it because the pill could affect them just by being in the room.  I was told to wash all utensils twice, flush the toilet twice, stay several feet away from everyone, and not to go near pregnant women.  Within a month or so my thyroid levels had dropped dramatically and i started to deal with the dreaded hypothyroidism.  My muscles were so weak in my arms i couldnt even hold the blow dryer up to dry my hair.  When i would finish taking a shower i would be so wore out i would have to sit in the tub and rest for 10 minutes just to dry off.  I was told to rest but no not me i pushed myself as far as i could and later paid the price.  After 2 years my thyroid levels were finally back to normal.  It just seemed like i woke up one morning and i felt wonderful.  I even skipped down my boyfriends driveway.  Everything was going great for almost a year but of course that couldnt last.  I woke up one morning and my hands were so swollen i couldnt even bend my fingers.  Didnt really think anything of it until i realized it wasnt going away.  After a few months my fingers started to hurt.  Then a few months later my knees and ankles.  Then came my feet, spine, elbows and hips.  Later on i developed acid reflux, pain in the tips of my fingers, muscle weakness, skin issues, fatigue, swollen lymph nodes and a few other symptoms.  The first rheumatologist i saw said "If we didnt have inflammation we wouldnt be alive."  I of course had been dealing with pain for awhile and just broke down in tears.  I was sent home with pills for depression and of course cancelled my next appointment with him.  The next rheumatologist told me it was some sort of connective tissue disease and told me it was to early to tell which one.  He sent me home and said to come back in a year if i was still hurting.  I gave up for awhile and finally found another rheumatologist who refused to do but a few little blood tests.  His assistant shoved pills down my throat and wanted me to keep taking them even when i told her they werent helping.  I asked him to test me for scleroderma and he actually laughed at me and then asked me why i was taking the pills if they werent helping.  That was the last time i ever went to see him.  I gave up again for a year and a half.  The thought of going to another doctor who wouldnt listen or help would have pushed me over the edge.  I am now restarting my lovely journey and trying to keep from losing my mind.  The pain is overwhelming at times and i feel like im about to breakdown but im trying my hardest not to give up again.  I just wish i had someone here to support me and help me through this.  Most of my so called friends left me when i needed them most and my husband just doesnt seem to understand.  Well wish me luck!