Tiffanykwells's Journal

I feel like i can't breathe today.  It was two weeks ago today that i  lost my  little one.  I feel like  the walls are closing  in on me.  The way I get through my day is to not think about it as much as possible but today I can't seem to  block it all out.   Since its the weekend i stayed in bed until 12:30.  Right now i feel like i am in a dark tunnel and i can't see any beginning or end.   I feel like all my hopes  are  gone all my plans for the future.  I don't know what to do or think about anymore.   I dread the holidays being around all the family and friends and everyone is so happy and cheerful and then there is me who will try to smile and nod my head and act "normal" around everyone but feeling like my nerves are raw and i could scream any minute.  And  i can't pray.  I always have in the past but i don't know what to pray for.  I am so conflicted.  I have always prayed in the past and when my 4 year old  was born at 27 weeks i prayed that she would make it and she did and i always contributed the fact that she made it to God watching out for us.  Now I feel so lost because whenever my water broke I prayed and prayed for God to not take this baby and my prayer was unanswered. So i am devistated and i am angry and today i feel like i can't breath and  I don't know what to do.