poppings492's Journal

we shouldnt have gotten together like we did. she was with another girl and than switched to me. i dont know now if she really loves me for me, or if she loves that im not that other person. but she talks to that other person constantly. i keep thinking that shes going to txt me one day and be like "oh i made a mistake bye" and i will be left bleeding. she says she loves me and i trust her more than anything. i do. i trust her alot. but she hurts me real bad sometimes. i cant ever tell her any of this. i cant. it hurts her than she gets hurt and i get more hurt and things blow up and i will lose her. and i cant live with that. i would rather have the pain eat at my soul than lose her. she doesnt like that. she doesnt like that i keep secrets about how i feel. but she doesnt understand that if i tell her any of this she will run away. and i need her. how pathetic is that. she doesnt need me. im a fucked up emotional person who doesnt know how to show affection. and she cant know. i will do anything so that she will be happy. even bottle things up.