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aiseirigh 
7:32pm, November 9, 2009
My ex-boyfriend has tried to contact me again several times today although I NEVER want to see him again. Never. I'm a sick puppy because I still care for him even after everything that has happened over the past two days. I sometimes wonder if my feelings are or have ever been real for him though. The only man that I have ever really cared about entered my life for a fleeting moment. We were both caught up in our own chaos although we had a bond that was equally undeniable and unexplainable. I killed it on purpose. My therapist told me that it was healthier for him to not have me in his life. I believed him. I didn't think that I deserved to be with this wonderful man. I decided that I was only worthy enough to be with a man that used and abused me. I'm tired. I'm so tired.
Comments
regret is an exhausting thing aiseirigh. i understand though.
i'm positive that you deserve more out of life than abuse. the fleeting relationship will always seem perfect, because the first 6 mths-year is the honeymoon period.
but the tough tests happen 3-4 years in, i have found.
you deserve something new and exciting, and with the solid foundation of a long-term relationship (not chaotic at the start, loving, compatable)
you can get it.
voodooguru