PuzzlePieces's Journal

So, I totally went to the hospital today and requested my records and copies of my scans...just because I wanted to look at them :)  Was actually able to SEE my CTA chest scan on my computer at home. Granted none of the CTA looked like anything to me, but I enjoyed it all the same!! Think I may have one of my radiologists (I work P/T for radiology medical billing company) look at scan and explain it to me if they'll do it free of charge...yeah right!

Otherwise, I've been really depressed today. Nearly cried twice. I'm realizing that I didn't actually want to die or else I wouldn't have called 911 for an ambulance. Yet, I'm not even remotely happy that I lived. My husband asked me if I believe that God had His hand on me; my response, "part of me does and part of me doesn't." Then he asked if I was happy to be alive; my response, "I'm happy that I've lived long enough to marry you......(then silence on my end)." I'm feeling very ambivalent or indifferent to the whole living thing. Probably my automoatic "coping" mechanism to go numb instead of feeling all the wonderful emotions of this "fun" ride. Wishing I were able to drink alcohol on coumadin cuz I could really go for one today!!

Hematologist visit today:

Leg still swollen with intermittent minimal pain despite propping it up at night.

INR is 4.5 so we're again adjusting coumadin regimine.

Negative for Prothrombin F2 Gene Mutation.

Antithrombin III Activity normal. 

Protein C Activity is less than 10 while range is 70-140; Dr said it was normal though I

                         don't understand how it is normal since it's not in range.   

Protein C Antigen, Protein S Levels are minimally low, yet once again staed as normal by Dr.

**Correction to my "Cathartic Ramblings" entry--my blood pressure was 66/45 when I was admitted to ER on 10/3.