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DeepintheNothingness 
10:35pm, October 30, 2009
today sux. i feel fat and am back in the point where i want to make myself get sick to loose weight because i dont have the time to work out because i work all the F'n time. i hate thi sfeeling because people look up to me to be their role model and im having some doubts that im trying to avoid them from getting. Who knows better than the student themselves?
i have this lump in my stomach from watching peoepl eat and i can control what i eat and what i want to push away. but i hate that control and i wish i could just let go and gorge myself without even thinking of the reprocussions. i overcame an eating disorder over two years ago because i loved making my body healthy. now i see that my wieght is goign back up and my concious tells me to stop eating.
please help. do anything. just smile at me and let me know it's okay. i will feel better i promise. i can get through this i just need someone to talk to.
i have this lump in my stomach from watching peoepl eat and i can control what i eat and what i want to push away. but i hate that control and i wish i could just let go and gorge myself without even thinking of the reprocussions. i overcame an eating disorder over two years ago because i loved making my body healthy. now i see that my wieght is goign back up and my concious tells me to stop eating.
please help. do anything. just smile at me and let me know it's okay. i will feel better i promise. i can get through this i just need someone to talk to.
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You are never alone sweetie! Don't think about the food thing if today sucks. Sometimes you need to take a break from it, but remember EVERYTHING IN MODERATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good rule to live by. You can pretty much do anything, but you have to do what's ultimately good for you. Only you can decide that. Deep down, you know what you can handle and what you can't. When you can say, screw control and give in to some unbridled selfishness. But, all in moderation, you know? Otherwise, you're just doing yourself harm, in more ways than you need to deal with. You'll feel guilty and then depressed and then want to hurt yourself or hide or something else that is ultimately DUMB :O Truth hurts but hey, I live in reality, I don't believe in sugarcoating things, because things are what they are, and the sooner you understand that, I believe, you can start enjoying life for what it is. A bunch of selfish, screwed up people, just trying to be happy and get through the day. :) Think of this, I lost 40 lbs from chemo. I needed to lose it, as I was still sporting baby weight from 3 kids. It wasn't fun to waste away and look like something out of a Nazi camp. It scared my mom and there was nothing I could do. I would have loved to have something more. Take care of you! Love you
Kath30Miller