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dreaminggrandma 
Well I have never kept a journal but sence I am begining an entirely new way of thinking it sure can't do me any harm ! I have been married for 40 years to the man of my dreams but that was then and this is now !! He is a very good man just not the man I thought he was so long ago. Lord I bet most all women can say that now can't they? When you are 17 and he is 24 and you "think" it is love nobody is going to tell you differant==right? Anyway all I ever wanted was to get married to my dream man and have babies=lots of babies but my dreams weren't to be. Yes I got married and I had 2 babies but then my dreams were not to go any further! I spent so dam many years trying to FIX my marriage that somehow I lost myself and now here I am at almost 57 and still in the same marriage and so VERY unhappy! I have, with the help of a great friend and my sister, decided to BE HAPPY !! It has been a long time coming that is for sure! I have always put my husband and kids and grandkids BEFORE myself! I thought to put myself first was selfish! Oh was I so very wrong! I am an 8 yr. breast cancer surv. and even throughout all that time I never put myself first ! I felt I didn't really deserve to be happy ! Alot of my problems and "thought paterns " come from my childhood. I was never held as a baby because my mom didn't want me==she has told me this! I was raised to believe I was ugly, unloveable, unwanted and would never find true peace of mind and happiness! So it really is not too surprizing that I am so emotionally crippled. Things are going to turn around for me because I am finally standing up for myself and NOT feeling guility for it! It ain't going to be easy but it WILL be wourth it in the long run! I will be 57 on Dec.12 and my goal is to be a completly differant woman by my 60th birthday !! With God's help and the help of my online family and my sister and best friend I am going to make it !! So give me all the advice you think will help me because I am thristy for any thing that might help me make my goal !!
Comments
Great attitude! It's so important to have inner peace.....true happiness comes from within. Treat yourself to something nice every day! Life's too short to be miserable.
asadheart