JustCarmen's Journal

Tonight I had two girls over. We did some creative craft work. It was fun. We talked and gossiped. I got to talk to my best friend (since we were like... little) on the phone. I went to a movie with the girls. The Ugly Truth. I totally recommend it. I laughed through the entire movie. Yet... I still feel worthless.

I sent my boyfriend a text saying I wish he were here I could really use a hug. He's out with some friends doing whatever it is guys do. I made the mistake of telling him not to hurry back because I don't think he wants to be around me. Now I'm afraid that he won't come see me. And I feel worse. I mean... I don't know.

I should never have started dating him. It was a mistake. I came to college saying no relationships. So why did I start one. They don't work out. I just feel more and more like shit. I guess on the bright side there is nothing sexual between us. I don't have to worry about him hurting me that way. I should be glad about this. The worst part is... I think that's what bugs me about him the most. I mena... how messed up is that. I'm holding against him the very thing I've wanted from guys for as long as I can remember.

I, I don't know. I want to break it off. But at the same time I don't. If he leaves, I'm down to no one. I already don't eat unless I have someone to go with. So if I dump him. He probably will quit eating with me. Then I won't eat. And that would be bad.

What should I do. I'm so confused.