Rivasllene

Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

At 24, I have had a life-long struggle with depression ranging from mild to severe. Most often I can keep a content and bright exterior, but all the while a pit of insecurity and worry bubbles in my soul. I continue to make it through the endless cycle of ups and downs in my emotions but I hate how it effects everything, my loved ones my passions, my sense of self. I need to progress, I need to see change...

Treatments

Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful

Now and again I am able to rise up out of the ashes and remember how lucky i am and how beautiful and short life is and I can tell myself all these keys things to acknowledge and see. But since I am so easily discouraged these grand feelings tend to fall away quickly and easily...

Prozac Somewhat Helpful

When I began taking this I was at an especially low point. I was heavily drinking and doing drugs at the same time and so it was hard to tell how useful the fluoxetine really was. There was some marked improvement but I failed to continue use after several months because I thought I was "better".

Psychotherapy Not Working

I have been to counseling off and on only a few times. The best part about the whole experience is that initial unloading of all my burdens and thought and worries. After that I can take in only so much advice and positivity that I kind of get lost in it. I can see and start to believe what they're saying but it kind of seems like I get a high off of the positivity and then go off thinking that I am okay and that I can do it and I forget to apply all these tools to continue.

Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked

I have been so fortunate to have wonderful support from all my friends and family. It is no mystery to any of them that I have mental problems. They have stuck beside me through it all whether I have been able to give back or not, how amazing is that? Yet I feel very guilty at the same time that they take all this effort and care in reassuring me and building me back up that it must seem so useless when I find myself back in the same old funk, time and time again.

Writing Somewhat Helpful

I started writing down my thoughts and feelings at a fairly young age. It is a great way to vent, but the biggest problem with it for me is that it doesn't really help in being constructive but rather destructive. Since I keep my journals I can often reference back to them and on bad days tend to re-read all the negative sentiment and get caught up in it again :(

Close Jealousy

Likewise with depression, jealousy has been a big factor in my unhappiness especially through my close relationships and most recently has been effecting my marriage. I just want to be able to control my emotions. Its as if my heart and soul know how ridiculous I can become but my brain thwarts all possibility of controlling the jealousy. I really want to be able to make a change within myself and break free of these unyielding sensitivities that simply poison my thoughts.