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Dannielle7 
I haven't been writing about the days that I felt fine. Right now, I don't feel too bad, but I do feel very...nothing. Numb? Which isn't even accurate. I can't honestly claim to not feel anything, but I'll admit that I may be so unsatisfied with my life that I choose to ignore the pressing urge to do what seems impossible and fulfilling. And that urge may be my only positive emotion, and the lack of pursuing it may be my source of negative emotion...so ignoring=numb. But I ignore because I think I can't do it. Well, no, I know I can do it. I just so heavily feel that I can't. It's an overwhelming fear, rooted in the instinct to survive, in a society where acceptance is crucial to survival, and happiness is not. Happiness is so unregarded as essential, that positive-thinking critics, bless their misguided hearts, are actually able to persuade audiences that the pursuit of happiness is profoundly naive and selfish. How dare they present such a destructive philosophy. But then again, for them to believe bliss is ignorance, they must be suffering enormously. And now I'm just ranting, trying to make sense of my emotions.
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I just spent some time talking to friends. I realized I am currently out of sensitivity for other peoples' problems. Just one of those times. My friend Johnny I can handle. He doesn't exactly complain, he more vents for a good 20 minutes, and then goes right back to "well, no use in wallowing and festering," and he pushes through his emotions. So I can be empathetic for the small portion of time he needs me to be.
But for people who need me to be empathetic all the time..I just cannot handle them right now. I really don't care about the girl that my friend is currently obsessed with, or his "best friend" that he just ended his friendship with. And I don't not care because I'm a bitch, I don't care because I know he'll be fine, I know worrying about the girl won't better his chances of being with her, and I'm sick of hearing the same song over and over again. *sigh* so.
I've been wounded before, academically, motivationally. I've tried and failed from giving up. But I do have the feeling that I'm slowly getting back up again to try, and it no longer feels totally hopeless. Well, it gets worse before it gets better.
