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deci 
well, this day went really well it seems...first day of spring break so we did not have to hustle and bustle around so much which helps tremendously...
the bad thing though is although i dont want to scurry around i also dont want to feel like a slug on society...it is a vicious cylce trying to find a balance...
one wants to pursue dreams and goals but then the fog of fatigue envelopes you and you spiral out of control...then you regain some energy and try to make up for "lost time" and then chaotically put yourself back on the brink of the insaness of the crummy old fatigue again...
yep...BALANCE...what an evasive thing to try to grasp on to... just when i think i have things figured out...that ugly monster of "losing control" peeks its dirty head into my life again...
would love to get a job and help out at my children's school...they need teachers desperately and i used to teach and am even certified but i get so nervous about making such a huge commitment... i am a bit OCD about things and the thought of not doing something right/perfect makes me not want to attempt it...
just taking all my meds in the morning takes 15 good minutes...not to mention getting the kids ready (5 and 7), make myself presentable, and know whats for dinner at night and then make sure lesson plans are on target...
yikes, there i go again talking myself out of a job!!
way to go!! woo hoooooo...
that's all i know... well, like i told a friend today...i don't know where my train is going but at least i know that my conductor is God... He has a plan for my life!!!
the bad thing though is although i dont want to scurry around i also dont want to feel like a slug on society...it is a vicious cylce trying to find a balance...
one wants to pursue dreams and goals but then the fog of fatigue envelopes you and you spiral out of control...then you regain some energy and try to make up for "lost time" and then chaotically put yourself back on the brink of the insaness of the crummy old fatigue again...
yep...BALANCE...what an evasive thing to try to grasp on to... just when i think i have things figured out...that ugly monster of "losing control" peeks its dirty head into my life again...
would love to get a job and help out at my children's school...they need teachers desperately and i used to teach and am even certified but i get so nervous about making such a huge commitment... i am a bit OCD about things and the thought of not doing something right/perfect makes me not want to attempt it...
just taking all my meds in the morning takes 15 good minutes...not to mention getting the kids ready (5 and 7), make myself presentable, and know whats for dinner at night and then make sure lesson plans are on target...
yikes, there i go again talking myself out of a job!!
way to go!! woo hoooooo...
that's all i know... well, like i told a friend today...i don't know where my train is going but at least i know that my conductor is God... He has a plan for my life!!!
