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liltif 
6:52pm
Hey All
The sorry so far, I got married late last year and found out i expecting a baby
OMG i was so excited and i got pregnant so quick it was a wonderful end to the year and a great start of our marriage.
In February we went for our scan (we were gunna see our baby) how exciting
we got there and the first thing they said was there was a problem and it would most likely not survive :(
Then the lady who did the scan told me she had the same thing "CYSTIC HYGROMA"
and her baby survived and was healthy
This gave me hope!!!
I told my work what was happening and my boss was a real asshole about it to the point where i was so upset my husband and i went and saw the head of company would told him to stay away from til further notice
I came back in a week and it was fine and i was back on track ( i was gunna be just like the lady and i would be holding my baby in August)
Came back 2 weeks later and there was no heartbeat
I had a mini labour and delivered the baby
i had time off and then i couple of weeks later i started bleeding clot of blood
I went to hospital and they were ready to operate luckily it stopped and everything returned to normal after that
about 2 months later i was pregnant again
i had a scan at 8 weeks everything looked good
i had a CVS done at 11 weeks and everything looked good
a couple of days later (start of August09) i lost my second baby, i went an had a D&C
I locked myself away for weeks i didn't want to explain anything
I've had 3 cycles i'm still not pregnant i'm starting to lose it
I feel like my heart is shattered and i keep trying to pick up the pieces but the keep breaking up more and more
I'm so scared of one of my friends announcing that there pregnant and it seems like so many people are having babies right now
I can't go to the shops cause theres people pushing prams around and pregnant women walking around and no one can see that i've had 2 babies that no one will ever know :(
I've put on weight from the pregnancies so non of my clothes fit me (another lovely reminder)
I've been told miscarriages are 1 in 4 i know so many people who are having babies right now and i'm the only one and i feel so alone
Comments
You are not alone I lost my Skye at 15 wks and another baby 6 months later and it has been the HARDEST thing I have ever been through. I miss her everyday and ache for her. You have come to the right place there are so many here who do understand your pain and loss. Be gentle with yourself you have been through two terrible losses and it takes a long time to absorb and find peace and comfort. I didn't leave my house after Skye for a month and when I did I limited where I went and if I saw a pregnant woman I would get panic and feel like someone punched me in my stomach like all the air came out.I couldn't even hear the word pregnant on the TV without crying. It has been over 2 years and I still long for her. It is better than it was back then but I can never forget her I pray you can find a way to grief over the loss of your babies and find comfort and healing. God bless sending you prayers and hugs,Kate
katemc
Thank you so much for understanding
I feel so alone and no gets it
i'm so glad that i found people that are feeling the same - but i wish that we weren't
i hope for peace and blessing to come your way too
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liltif
I can feel your pain. I have had three losses. Heterotopic twins( one in the uterus and one in a tube) in may 2008, I had a normal and good pregnancy with the second one I had a dnc at 12 weeks Christmas eve last year, and my third loss was in June of this year. I have gained 25 and nothing I have fits... I had to laugh when I read that cause I am right there with ya. We haven't decided whether to try again or not yet. I don't feel that I will ever be ready to possibly go through this time number four. We planned a vacation to st Thomas in January to try to heal and get things on track cause all this takes a toll on your marriage as well. I am thinking of ya
llmcrna
Thank you so much for your comment
One thing i like to think about is that even tho we didn't get to the end
Seeing the lil miracle on that screen and seeing my first after i gave birth to her
I know their not here and i wish they were but i'm glad that i have seen the miracle and sometimes thats what keeps me going
hang in there babe - and go for it when your ready :)
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liltif