AimeeD's Journal

havent tried to contact him - sat, sun, mon, or today....i know thats only 4 days but it is progress for me.....i feel better not putting myself through the constant rejection anyways. i dont know how i feel. i wake up missing him next to me, wishing i could smell him, listen to him breath, feel him......i have panicy moments where I just feel like I cannot live without him and then i have moments where i feel like...hey i am a smart, nice, capable woman....I CAN do this! The awful affair I had isnt going to define me or the rest of my life. I have learned a lot of things the hard way and i have no desire to repeat past mistakes. I am going to make the choice to learn, to move on. To be better. To not make the same bad decisions. To give my husband room to breath and think and not try to control whether he forgives me or not. I hope for his sake he can forgive me, regardless of if we do get back together or not. If he cant forgive me, he will just be bitter. but that's his choice. i cant control it. I can only control me. Part of me showing him and myself that I have learned is to actually exercise my self control and not basically harass him through text message terrorism like I did before. My son is healthy and that's all that matters to me right now. Feeling ok today.