livinmylife's Journal

and I do mean everything just sucks, you can't do anything about it to make it stop either.  with all the problems I have to deal with, to top it all off, I help to take care of my fiance's mother who has senile dementia.  The last few days with her have been nothing short of hell.

She is slowly progressing into the combatitive stage.  She does not want to do anything.  You have to make her shower, you have to make her get out of bed, she is like taking care of a child at times.

I guess what I am here to vent about though is.. Here I am, dealing with some pretty bad health issues myself, taking precious time away from my grandbabies, etc.  even my own elderly mother, thank God she is in good health!!  to care for her.  One top of that, as I am cleaning her study, I have found notes upon notes she has written to herself and her husband about none other than "ME"!!! 

She seemed to have gotten it in her head before this disease progressed that I was with her son as a "gold digger"...in one of the notes, she even stated that someone in the family had to "intervene" before their deaths and he got his inheritance for me to "squander"... now, think about those words for a moment, and then put yourself in my shoes.  this woman has 4 children, only 1 of whom will even come close to doing what is being done and that is my fiance'... her own daughter won't even come here on a vacation to give us a break... 

I have been treating this lady as if she were my own mother.... giving her love, tender care, understanding... and above all, keeping her ass out of the nursing home which is exactly where his dad would have her were it not for me.  He can't even stand to have to sit and listen to her, as soon as I get there everyday, he shoots out the door and does not return until the time I am supposed to go home.  Who would blame the man?  He is 84 years old and not near ready to stop living, yet she expects him to stop because she has chosen to be a shut in...  This man busted his ass as a surgeon for years to give her everything she ever whimed for.  He is a well known doctor in our community, he worked very hard for his reputation.  She treats him like a nothing.

I just have to say, I was floored by her "notes"... reminding herself to make sure she did this or that, not to forget to take care of this or that... I was so mad I was in tears... to think that I was giving up all I am giving up to keep her out of the nursing home and that was the thanks I was receiving.  My fiance' wants me just to stop caring for her.  He thinks it is becoming too much for me.  I am there because I want to help his father.  I know what that man goes through on a day to day basis.  I hear the way she talks to him. 

The really funny thing about all of this is that my family is just as wealthy as his... if not more so.  That however does not make any of my family who we are and it is not something that has ever been "flaunted" in anyones face.  so, where does she get thinking that I need "her" money??  Not to mention, I had a husband pass away on me, I worked the same Retail management job for 25 years before going on disability, so I am not left "penniless"...

I really pray when she stand before the man for her judgement and she is allowed to see her life book, it flashes the time she and I spent together for her and she is able to see just exactly what I did for her that her own damn kids would not do...