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laurabrown1089 
I think I've been under a lot of stress lately, My husband has been feeling it hard. I thank God that he has been so understandable, He might think at the point i might be bi polar. I am a bit irritable at times. I feel like this is the only place where i can speak freely about people i know without them seeing it or it coming back to haunt me. I want a Baby like everyone else around me, Me and the hubby are trying again this month. My step mom has a 7 month old and she makes everything seem so hard. I went down there in october because i do not like staying at this apartment without my husband here and she did not even go to the bathroom without asking me to watch the baby. I costantly watched the baby like a live in nanny because she apparently couldn't do anything being a mom. She does not like taking him out at all besides for his doctors appointments. So she did send me to the store a lot which put a lot of miles on the car. I was there for three weeks minus 4 days because i had to come back up here which is a two hour drive from them to house sit for my cousin. She had a nice house and it was relaxing to get a break. Of course some people think i'm a hypocrite wanting a baby and then complaining about taking care of one. But i feel like she should be able to handle her baby without me there specially since every time i get pregnant they want me to move furniture. Not only did i find out i had a problem having kids, i also was stressed out because no one would give me a break on cleaning, taking care of the baby and running to the store multiple times. My husband had duty the wednesday they pulled into port so i was going to go up there and see him but i volunteered to watch the baby so my step mom could take her mom to the doctors. My dad who works at home said after she left i could go ahead and leave, i was also told my step mom would be back by noon...so i was mad because neither happened and i did not get to see my husband whom i had not seen in three weeks. And no one seems to feel concerned about my feelings on finding out half of my eggs basically wont be born. Every time i get pregnant its a might and a might not i will have a baby. My husband said i should just prepare myself for the worst when i get pregnant but i cant because the first time it lasted 8 weeks then ended so knowing myself i probably will get my hopes up when it get close to that 3rd month knowing that it still could end in tragedy. My nice inlaws whom i have came to know and love dearly in the time i've been married are coming down in two weeks from washington. I am not dreading that i am just dreading the fact that i was guilt tripped into coming down to help clean my step mom's house because her lazy sister who does not do anything cant help her. Yea i agreed to go down there the day before thanksgiving to help clean because there is going to be like 30 people there in a house and i'm the only one nice enough to come down and help set the house up. My aunt said something and some times when she opens her mouth i want to smack it i know thats wrong of me. She said i dont need to help cook because all i would be is in the way..really who is going to help prep....and i'm also responsible for making 90 % of the desserts, my aunt agreed to make one pie which is an upside down apple pie or something like that i dont know i hardly pay attention to her.... I have came to hate my mom because she does not care what so ever. Its been a month since i found out my chromosome was flipped and i've called her yet she never asked me how i was or anything...no one from my family has called me what so ever....I feel sorry for my husband because hes the one that gets to see my mood swings and i feel very guilty about it but he is really understanding. ..... I've Gained weight this last month so that has not helped out the situation but i give myself props for not resulting to starving myself like i did when i was 16....Yea i admit i had a eatting disorder because i was not happy with myself but now i am trying to get a healthy way of eatting where i actually eat....My husband took me bowling earlier this month for the first time we had a lot of fun. He told me from now on i really need to stop letting people use me and just think of myself and stop cleaning so much. I clean when i get bored, I clean out of a sheer habit.....we also went to seaworld yesterday and was cold from the water rides which we had to go on...we live in san diego so its not warm any more....I guess its helping getting out and having fun trying not to think of all the stressful things in my life.
Comments
Sorry about the bold but its hard for me to see a lot of writing on the computer without it mushing together.
laurabrown1089
Hey, sounds like you need to tell step mom to be a "mom".
I understand on baby making thing, I've been married 10 years, and still haven't figured out how to keep the baby passed 9 to 10 wks! My doctor told me it would miricle for me to even start out, now....its a miricle if I even keep it. I've only started out 3 times in those years,
Blessings you you is all I can say!
dollydolittle
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dollydolittle
Hi,
I am sorry to hear that you can not carry full term, but have you ever considered going to a specialist? or an infertility doctor?? Maybe they can help understanding the problem of you not carring to full term!!
Not only can stress but sometimes it could be genetic ?? from either you or your husband ??
Good luck :)
acorn51
Hey Laura
Your Journel came into my inbox and have read it. Got some stuff to say,but havent got time now as am teaching my son maths. I am new on the site and live in Suffolk, England and only just came across this site by mistake. Looking for side effects of drugs and natural stuff that I am taking for menopause and RA, trying to figure out about my fluffy side burns :-) Got to laugh or it would make me cry. So if you don't mind will write more later. Can't think with son asking me maths queries. take care Digbydarcie (my best buddies doggies names)
Digbydarcie
I'm not in this group but I read your post. My neighbor had the same thing and the Dr. stitched her cervix after the first 5 or 6 weeks and the stitches kept the baby from miscarrying for 9 months. At the end he took the stitches out and she had her baby. She's done it twice more and has 3 kids now. Maybe its worth a try. Best of luck. Carol Miller me14623@yahoo.com
hidss
Honey thats not bi polar you just have too much on your plate to handle. You need to tell your step mother she needs to start being a mother. Why can't your stepmother clean her own house. Its different taking care of someone elses baby and having your own to take care of. Your number one you need to take care of yourself.
nanabc
I am sorry you are so frustrated, but please be careul when using the term bi-polar. I truly have been diagnosed with the mental disorder and it is not a situation to take lightly. If you are bi-polar are you on meds that could be causing your problems? Do you see a terapist or doctor on a regular basis? If you are bi-polar you have got to take of yourself first! Best of luck!
kitten193
yeah, with reproductive disorders and/or hormone imbalances you have to expect fluxuations in mood and allow for it. Its ok to get pissed off/frustrated, but don't have a total meltdown. Learn to recognize the signs of an impending major mood swing and take a time-out, for real! Take a walk, rather than do or say something that will cause irreperable harm. When i reach that point I clean(look at it as theraputic) walk dog, something physical when possible. When I was younger, before I knew I had severe endometiosis, I used to get comments from "loved ones" about invasion of the body snatchers, bi-polarism, etc. My brother and boyfriend had a running commentary about my strange mood swings; and they were strange cause i am pretty agreeable and have a lot of patience. It sounds like you like doing things for others and helping them, but you are going through some pretty intense stuff and either have to limit yourself or provide the help you want but not begrudgingly. no one likes a mayrter. Know your limits and stick to your boundaries. I hope this helps, there was a time I thought I was going a lil' crazy. In regaurds to the last comment, cut people some slack-you know what site you're on and have to allow people to vent. She is not being disrespectful, she is telling you how she feels. Yes, I am aware that crazy is not a technical term, nor politically correct. laugh when you can. good luck.
turtlex40