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Babbit 
11:59am, November 8, 2009
It's November... "Remember, remember the 5th of November." In my mind I say "Remember, remember the 15th of November" because the 15th is the day my world came crashing down in 2006. Lately has been hard for me because I'm lacking a truly close friendship where I feel free to talk about anything. I used to have that with my best friend Cheryl. With just one look she knew exactly what I was thinking and would respond by giving me a much needed hug or words of encouragement. I no longer have that kind of friendship so I feel so incredibly alone.
I can't even describe the loneliness I feel during the month of November, and this year, without any close friends for support, I feel even more alone. I've been bothering my room mate lately because I feel the most alone at night. Right as we're falling asleep I try my hardest to have her keep talking to me... but she's getting really fed up with it. I really just wish I had someone in those moments to hold me tight and tell me things are ok. Or just someone to talk to me until I fall asleep. But I don't have that anymore and I can't talk about that with my friends. My roommate thinks completely logically and rationally, she has no emotion... Trying to make her understand how I hurt is like trying to get a wall to respond to you.
I just need closeness..
Comments
Of course you need closeness. I am sending you a hug.
Fleurina
I don't know you or even what group you're in (I'm in the Afib group) but it occurred to me that your whole focus is on Nov. 15th out of the whole year. I realize that something terrible happened then but there are 364 other days and at least one of them had to be a happy day. Wouldn't it be better to change your focus and try to focus on a happy occassion? If you don't move on you'll be living Nov. 15th for the rest of your life. I know that its hard to do but its your only way of getting out of this misery that you're in now. If you want to talk to me I'm Carol Miller me14623@yahoo.com. I don't know what happened to you but I know that you have to move on or you'll be in this rut for the rest of your life. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming this tragedy.
hidss
Fleurina is right Babbit. Don't worry about things you cannot change. Use your faith to seek out God's wisdom and comfort.
hobie51
You mention the 15th is the day my world came crashing down in 2006. Well what happen to you at such a young age? I read your profile. Do you have MS? If so, deal positive with it because there are others out there worse off than you. You may not have the life that you planned, but you still have life, so make the most of it. Date yourself. Is it fair to want someone to stay up with YOU until YOU fall asleep? NO! You are being inconsiderate, and selfish. I am lonely too, but I accept it and don't sult in it. Get out. Go to Church. Joined a social group and stay in college, because that education is going to pay off in your future. I am an educated, lonely person, but I don't dwell on the lonliness because I treat me good.
cowilliams
Hi, My name is Cheryl (also), my birthday is November 15th. I am here if you need to talk. Is there any way you can have a small dog or cat where you are? I know that thru my illness, my dog has been a Godsend. He lays with me and just loves on me. Remember the goodtimes from your friend. Don't dwell on the past. I believe that you can still talk to your friend. Ask for a sign from her. Tell her you love her. Think of all the positive things you love. I do that with my Dad's memory all the time. It really works to remind me he is still there. I will pray for you on the 15th and will send you many hugs!
bremcac
I suggest that you listen to audiobooks at night. I used to use a CD player, but since you have a roommate, I suggest that you use and IPOD. The Purpose Driven Life, Your Best Life Now are good books to start with. Right now, I'm reading (listening) to a book entitled 'Heaven'. I listen intently, and actually fall asleep.
Itlady
Hi babit, i really feel for you and think that I understand as I too have been through extreme loss , and other shocking emotional duresses and now have RA . onlt diagnosed 2 weeks ago. With the right support and your willingness to hear the positive and good and to try stuff even when you are down , like a slow working drug your inner spirit will find peace if not happiness, You need to find someone you can trust who is empathetic and will respect your privacy then pour your heat out and let go of the pain and refuse to own it again. You might just still need time. Have you considered looking out for a gentle person who you might be able to focus on supporting you can then help each other. Since I started working part time helping the intellectually disabled i have experienced the most rewarding feelings their joy at things i never thought about the most simle little things like having jelly eg changed my joys. 1 hour a week at a old age home or homeless shelter if you can, just talk to people who are suffering and you sure to meet a new optimistic but understandin friend. we are out there and in this group and we care. embrace the love brush the pain away . big hugs anytime you need.G.
GIARA