jan62's Journal

So much to say...  I guess I came here to meet other people and develop some support online.  Over the last few years all my close friends have moved away. We keep in touch, but it's not quiet the same as having them live around the corner! 

I have a great husband and children, but a lot of conflict with my siblings. I have no contact with them at the moment, and I hope it stays that way, they are very abusive.

I have had a lot of health problems over the last few years, they started after my mum developed early onset Alzheimers and I had to give up my new business to care for her. At the time I was the family breadwinner, their was a lot of family conflict, she had lost all her savings due to a con man and we ended up in a lot of debt, just at a time in our lives when we were planning our finances for our retirement. Now we have over $40,000 extra debt which causes me a lot of worry.

My mum is now is a nursing home. I have been sick for the last year, I gained a lot of weight with the stress and need to lose about 60lbs. I have been unable to work for months now, if I don't work I don't get paid. The financial stress is terrible. we do not qualify for any aid or benefits. 

In the past I suffered from a very serious depression that lasted for several years. I feel that I am not depressed yet, but starting to slide down that slippery slope. I really do not want to end up back there again. I am a mental health professional and live in a small community. It's not possible for me to see a therapist for many reasons.

 I also am unable to exercise at the moment due to illness and have to stay away from groups of people as my immunity is lowered and I am vulnerable to illness. Just this week I became very ill, very quickly with another chest infection.

So I spend my days trying to get well while having to limit my activity, and staying away from people so I don't catch yet another illness. I feel frustrated and disappointed after almost a year of living this way. I was a very active person before all this happened.  

I am not a religious person, so please do not leave me comments that God loves me. I suffered years of child abuse from people who told me that. I respect other people who are religious and would ask that my beliefs be respected as well. I would enjoy hearing from anyone, so long as they don't preach to me. 

I guess I thought this forum may be a place where I can 'meet' some people since I can't do it in real life, and there is only so much TV that I can watch!