Jha's Journal

I don't know what to do anymore...i can't really talk to my boyfriend coz i don't want him to think that i have a weak personality....can't talk to my parents coz they just don't understand what i am going through....can't talk to my only 2 friends coz they have their own issues to deal with.... so i really don't know who to talk to..

sometimes i just wanna talk about things and get it all out but then again i don't like to dump my issues on any1. 

I still have problems eating, even when i am hungry i eat less than even quarter of an average size plate of food as 1 meal the whole day... i can't really sleep anymore and i am bored all the time...

i can't stop smoking and i am very paranoid now that my 3rd hearing for a divorce is coming up in less than 2 weeks...

I have very bad mood swings, and i snap at any1 very easily which is not a good thing at all... it only takes 1 word to piss me off... not to mention the really really bad road rage i have... or the nightmares or images of me killing my soon to be ex and his little b**** who is carrying his child (his new wife) even though we r technically still married but separated for a year and he married her without my knowledge....

i don't know y i have started to remember all the bad things that have happened to me lately (sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse and emotional abuse) i don't know if i can handle the divorce case being postponed for the 3rd time just coz he doesn't bother to show up... the only reason i haven't done anything to myself yet is because of my daughter.... i can't leave her all alone here with an ass for a father to not take care of her coz he has more important issues to deal with (fu**** around, hanging out with his friends, spending money on bit***s instead of his own kid...etc) u get the drift...

HELP