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santaruss 
This morning I woke upo feeling more depressed then I have been in a long while because everything just seems not to work for me. In the last year of my life I have suffered many losses and I know I am grieving but I feel like I do not know what to do anymore. The losses I have suffered have been the loss of my last biological member of my family my sisiter who was one I always could call when things started to look bad. We had our ups and downs during the year but we always found our way back to each other to be supportive. I lost her in November. I was terminated from my job in May and I began a job search which has not led to anything. It is the first time in my life since I began working at 14 that I have been unable to go out and find another job right away. At 56 I am finding I am " too qualified" because I have two masters degree or " You have wonderful skills and abilities but they do not match at this time what we are looking for" or" We enjoyed meeting with you but...." I am at a place in my life where I do not know what to do and do not like the feelings and thoughts I am having because I do feel like giving up. Being an adult child of an alcoholic I know about stinking thinking and how it can take over one's life. I try to get positive thoughts but I am quickly running out of money. I can not afford to remain in my apartment but do not know where to look for an apartment because I do not know whether God wants me to stay here in the city I am in now and keep the INterchurch Community Breakfast program going. It is the only positive thing in my life right now and it does get me out of the house helping people.I had been hoping that the church would hire me as their outreach minister because of the success of that program and the ability I have as a grant writer who has brought $4000 into the church coffers this year but last week I received the news that at this time with all that is going on with the church in regards to selling one building and renovating our present sanctuary we do not believe our church can afford to bring you on." Please do not take this personally we agonized over the decision. Yes they probably have but that decision has also brought me to the place of agonizing over what to do. I have been looking at ways to cut down expenses and have not turned on the heat yet because I do not want to face heating bills. I just do not know what to do about housing and so I hold onto Jeremiah 29: 11 and as I did this morning say " Please God show me the plans and help me to get where I need to be or meet the people who are also a part of that plan." And I decided to reach out here in hopes someone can guide me out of this hole that keeps looking deeper and deeper. I have told many over the years that when your feeling down look up and I have been trying to do this but it is getting harder each day.
