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LegoJunkie 
2:44am Yesterday
I don't know what is wrong with me? If i'm getting sick ( which i realy shouldn't because i have not been out hardly anywhere, but it only takes one place or one person. I just read about it and didn't relize that haven NF can make me get the swine flu easier. But i'm not to worried about it. I'm going to the doc tomarrow to have half my left big toenail cut off, i wanted my whole one but he wont do that. But mabye thats the goood thing
I was supposed to get up and get finding a cd i misplaced but thats what i get for putting it someplace i was supposed to remember.
But of course i didn't get hardly any sleep. but they don't understand that my bed is SO uncomftrable, and i know i ve got a rodent in my room but they ( mom and stepdad) think i'm halusinating (sp?), but then i think maybe it is my NF ( because my muscle spasams have been allfull and worse then ever.) so is it them or my bed or a rodent. But im finding little scraps of papper and just little things on the floor.
I was wanten to get my china, and moterizedwheelchair on craigslist and i didn't. I'm not sure how to do it but i'll try .
as i've said i've been batteling deppersion (i can't even spell it.), i've not thought about suicide since the day (i took my 38 Berreta out of the bedside table put hollow points in it pulled the trigger back put in mouth but didnt pull the hammer then took it out of my mouth and as i did i did pull the trigger on accident as the barrel left my mouth. I felt the bullet go past my left ear. From that day on i told myself i'm never going to think of this again. suicide that is but i have in the last few days.) Im really messed up and i don't know what to do? Do i go get help or do i keep this to myself? Nomatter i just go on day after day.
One good thing did come about today. (Though i spent money ) , i bought a lego product on ebay, its a moterized cat, like a D8 Cat , Ive wanted this for along time and just decided to get it.
Anyway, im going to go im not doing good tonight. i'm tired and don't feal goood so i'm going to lay down. .
