lynnebudby's Journal

hi every one im 41 yrs old and was diagnosed at 18.ive lived a normal life and been able to push aside the fact i have a disease.apart from uti infections and high bp ive been relatively ok.when i was pregnant with my 2nd child i took really ill, my kidneys stopped workin and i had my daughter early.it took a few months but i recovered well.about 4 yrs back i went into hospital with a bad uti and its been a slippery slide ever since!2 yrs back my sister was battlin cancer then my mum was diagnosed with same, sadly we lost our mum, then 6 wk later i was diagnosed with cancer 2.my marriage ended due to domestic violence just after my 2nd op to remove the cancer.at the time i didnt realise i was poorly i just thought i was depressed.i ended up in hospital twice within a few weeks with kidney related problems, i still didnt realise how ill i was.. my health has deteriorated alot over last couple yrs, i put it down to the stress and upsetment of every thing thats been happening.ive seen all my fathers side of the family battle pkd, 2 havin transplants and sadly 2 not makin it. im only one from my family with pkd and my daughter was diagnosed before she was born.i was kind of hopin to get to my 60,s before i started to feel like i do at this present time......some days worse than others but i wont be defeated! ive been shocked at how one day i felt ok and the next i felt so ill.the pain is gettin so much worse,my ribs hurt so much some times i cant breath! im experiencing transfered pain in my shoulder spreadin down my arm and into my neck.i cant believe how tired i feel, ive no energy at all, as a single parent thats not good!!most nights i cant sleep with the pain and i feel like banging my head on a wall and screaming. im breathless just gettin dressed. im findin things very frustraiting as ive always been able to bounce back but this time im struggling.. i have 30% function left, and at one point there was talk of removin one kidney, but both  as bad  and as i havent got all clear from cancer yet i cant be put on transplant list so im plodding on.think time has come 4 me to accept i cant do things i used to and that things are progressin faster than i wanted. im keepin my chin up 4 my 2 lovely kids, but inside im screamin and im scared . xx