Ivytattoo

Close Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

I am in therapy after a relationship caused me to go into a trauma state, and then realized I had been living in trauma, only less acute, all my life. I am trying to find out exactly what happened in childhood, as my memory is almost completely wiped out. All I remember is fear, and I still feel hatred towards my emotionally abusive father, who I watched beat my brother regularly. I have lived my life in fear and grief. I want to heal.

Treatments

Art Somewhat Helpful

Since I became upright again (I was suicidal for a while) I have slowly picked up handcrafts such as handsewing and knitting. It's hard to concentrate but at last I can give my thoughts to them a little more now.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked

Before I could get therapy I worked with a CBT book on my own to try to stop the negative and hopeless feelings.

Paxil Not Working

I think this is my anti-depressant. It made me very, very nauseous every time I took it, so I didn't bother. I struggled without it and feel that it's not needed now I have improved slightly.

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

It's helping to have someone to talk to. Friends don't have the experience of an abusive childhood so can't understand, and I don't want to be annoying. Buried grief is coming up and I had to feel worse before I started to feel better.

Reading Working / Worked

Every self-help book and website I could find about childhood abandonment. Kept me alive.

Talking Somewhat Helpful

I realize that I don't function like everyone else, so friends don't understand me and why I behave the way I do.