nmeza85's Journal

“Eye to Eye with Myself”

It’s hard to climb out of the hole where I am suffocating

Trying to break free from the crushing ceiling

I feel misplaced breaking down in hurricane feelings

I can’t avoid the colors changing in my eyes when it’s killing

I try to overlook the breeze passing by, it’s only misleading

On this road I continue to drive waiting to reach a halt

For long periods of time I don’t see green days at all

I’ve fallen and there is no more standing tall

Vision is impaired and holding on strong

I am weak yearning for the person I use to be

I look behind me & there I am staring at myself eye to eye

I observe myself no longer singing to the same blissful song  

Drained of the life & the passion that over flew my core

How can my state of mind voice the words?

I’ve lost the will to fight & to move beyond of what is now me

It’s hard to uphold sanity when pain has a grip on my body

Behind closed doors no one hears the cries I build up & set free  

Others perceive the mask I wear to hide the misery contained in me

Most will never identify with what I hold in secrecy

I’m hurting and I’ve been hurting for so long with R.S.D.

In isolation I’ve shut out the world where I once stood carefree

Oh, how the nightmare lives inside and reminds me

I have a long battle to confront ahead of me

One day at a time I carry on feeling so weary

I stare at myself eye to eye saying,

“One day I will regain control of my life.”