RosemaryA

Close Rape

I was barely 15 when this happened. My friend Sami and I were walking down the street, and we had been drinking. We met three men that were also walking down the street. We ended up hanging out and partying that evening. They were all good looking guys, but several years older than us. Their names were Barry, Robert and Frank. We met up with them several times. Robert really liked me, but I had zero interest in him. Sami really liked Barry, and dated him. Frank also liked Sami. Anyway, Barry and Robert hung out with us most. One evening we were partying pretty hard. We were doing mushrooms (which is a hallucinogen). They told me they could boil these in tea and it would be fun. I didn't believe it could work, but it did. I was living with my Aunt in Washington and she was gone alot, so we were doing this at her house. Barry took Sami home, then came right back, where we continued to party and hang out. Little did I know they had a plan and were scheming. I had gone into the bedroom for something, and they followed me. They both came in and sat on the bed. Barry started getting flirty and a little grabby, which was weird because he was my friends boyfriend. She really liked him. I thought he really liked her. Barry then gets up and shuts the bedroom door and locks it. Robert got behind me and held my arms, while Barry undid my shorts and pulled them and my underwear off. I told them no, but they just kept going. They both took off my shirt and ignored my telling them no, over and over. They picked me up and put me on the bed. Robert stayed behind me, touching me and grabbing me, while Barry took off his pants. I was in such a fog from the drug, but I remember I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt like there wasn't a part of me that wasn't being touched, grabbed at, and felt up. I just let it happen. I always felt I could have fought them harder. Barry finished and then switched places with Robert, and Robert got what he wanted, finally. I remember that is how I felt about it. He bugged me to be with him for so long, and I turned him down, time and time again. Now with his friends help, he got what he wanted. He had been so nice to me. I really thought he was my friend. I didn't understand how he could stand himself. The next day I get a call from Frank. He wanted to meet me for a drink. We met at some little dive for a soda and he told me he had heard Barry laughing and bragging about what they did to me, so I told Frank the real story. He was really angry, but it didn't help. He talked like he wanted to kill them, but I think it was all talk. When I called my friend and told her what happened,that following morning, she never spoke to me again. I think I was hurt more over that, than the fact that I was raped by her boyfriend. She didn't believe me, so I never spoke of it again. I also doubted myself, after that, it was even rape. Even now I still doubt myself, but this morning I thought about it hard, and finally called it what it really is. I remember calling Robert before I moved on to California, and confronting him about the fact that I said no, and they did it anyway. I remember him talking like he was so sorry for what they did. I confronted him about the fact that I said no, over and over again. He admitted they heard me. I remember he said if I was pregnant, he would marry me and raise the baby, whoever's baby it was. I was so disgusted at the thought, I just hung up and thought how I hoped that guilt would just rot his gutt, and he would wonder for the rest of his life if he made a baby with someone he forced to have sex with him, a baby that he would never know. I thought that was enough punishment, so that is how I moved on. I blamed myself for being stupid and thought the only one of them that had any feelings ,would struggle for the rest of his life in wonder. Somehow that gave me peace of mind. My wrong thinking was that I asked for it, that I was attracted to them, that I must have wanted it, because why else would I put myself in that position... I knew them, so it wasn't as scary as if it had been a stranger, I was in a fog, so it was a lot like a dream. I have tucked that back away for so long and never really looked at it. It hasn't devistated my life, but I am sure has affected my attitudes and trust in relationships. I have heard so much about acquaintence rape, but never admitted that it happened to me. My case was different. What I realize now is, it wasn't. We all have our own story, but it is what it is. I was only in Washington for one semester of school. I moved there around the end of summer. My parents were moving us to Mare Island Naval Base, in Vallejo California, so I stayed with family in the meantime. My Mother was trying to move me away from a boyfriend that was bad news. Little did she know that bad news would find me.

Treatments

Celexa Working / Worked