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dear dad, I can't hang out with Cassie and Kelly, they're partying is the reason why they are still dependent upon mom and dad. You wouldn't bail me out and I wouldn't want you to. I think it would make some people and maybe you curious if you stepped outside yourself and listened to yourself. You are asking me why I didn't go out to a bar. have you been to any bars lately? Do you know what a cesspool they are for the scum of the earth? Do you know how overpriced drinks are? Do you know what alcohol does to the body? Do you know that we already have enough toxins in our blood from everything else? Do you know what kind of people are there? Do you know that is not a place where you meet new positive people? The only people there that are friendly are people that want something from you- to buy their drinks or to get some. I have learned that. You are ignorant ignorant ignorant. man. get a life. I want you to feel ashamed of yourself. But it seems like you already do. otherwise why would you let everyone else tell you what to do all the time. at the same time, i love you. my feelings towards you are explosive and volatile. i can't control you. trying to find the words to be assertive with you and protect myself. it seems like any conversation i would try to begin would immediately end. you always get so defensive. maybe i should have put you on the defensive. I don't care for bars. why don't you go out to the bar since you think they are so great? what is your problem? what are you trying to say? that I'm not a good member of the family. Why can't you just be happy and proud of me. why can't you think about my future.
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  1. boston2

    wow I am sorry did you send this to him


    boston2

  2. KatDC

    I know exactly how you feel, I do love him but I really hate him. My dad is also a very ignorant man. My entire life he has acted like something he isn't and made so many poor choices but yet acts like my choices are wrong. I started reading the book the power of now by Eckhart Tolle and I kind of have a better understanding why my dad is the way he is. Who would have thought that this whole time it was him that had issues and not me.


    KatDC

I have been frustrated and scared wondering what my "black outs" were about for the past 2-3 years (that is when I remember them starting). I will be walking along or stand up and black out. Now I was taught by my parents that that is normal. But the past two to three years I have been scared b/c they will happen even if I stand up slowly and carefully, or even when I am just walking along. I'm also tired the whole day and they happen the whole day for a couple of days. I am frustrated because my family already thinks I am a freak because I follow a special gluten free diet that helps my irritable bowel. My boyfriend thinks I am making my illnesses up. Now I am glad that I finally caught on to the fact that these are petit mal seizures and I believe my trigger is sleep deprivation because I have noticed very carefully this weekend that I stayed up late for the first time in a long time and they are really bad and frequent at the moment. I told my boyfriend and he said, I do that too sometimes that is normal. You make this stuff up. It is because you don't eat real food. Now I am not trying to be a whiny person and talk about my relationship issues what I really want is some support and to just talk about this epilepsy. But I know we all have relationships and they all have their problems and I just needed to vent about that.
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  1. mechellebelle

    I think everyone will illness goes thru this in some way. I'm not at all playing it down, but rather saying that there are loads of us who understand this! I am sorry you are going thru such a rough time and on top of that have people tell you they don't believe you. I remember when I finally got my hubby to understand: I'd been in pain for a few months and one day I started screaming and crying at the same time blubbering how he didn't get it: REAL PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he finally got it, well, as much as a well person can. I try to eat a diet that is bizarre to most people, but works well for my lupus, and others think I am a freak or trying to get attn for it. Huh. I'd really rather be eating their fries and cheeseburgers, so, no, folks, we aren't doing this for attention, it's for health! Hang in there. keep to the things that your spirit says is the right thing to do. I just had a blackout the other night. First one. very scary. I hope you feel better soon!


    mechellebelle

  2. ammc

    i completely understand!! but i also think that sleep has a lot to do with your blackouts...rest as much as possible if you're having a tired day...and your boyfriend should be more supportive instead of thinking that you are making things up...that's real upsetting!! try having a long talk with him and tell him that you would not make this stuff up and tell him that if you don't follow your diet you could get real sick...i also have to follow a somewhat strict diet or else i get real sick...and sometimes my husband will tell me it's all in my head...but more often than not he knows that it's not he just gets frustrated when i don't eat things...

    i hope you feel better and i hope you take it easy and catch up on your sleep!


    ammc

  3. lizgirl

    My husband had sleep apnea and he blacked out behind the wheel of a truck. He was ok and nobody got hurt thank god! But his doctor sent him for a sleep test. You should have that done because the body goes what is called micro sleeps at any time.

    Also blood sugar drops can cause this too. Both conditions make you very tired in the body. You could control your blood sugar by lowering your carb intake and stay off sugars. Look into hypoglycemia.


    lizgirl

Journal Entry for April 23, 2009 Mood
Thursday, April 23, 2009

Every time you drink tea, coffee, cocoa,  chocolate, or cola you are giving your body a 'hit' of caffeine. Along with nicotine and alcohol, caffeine is one  of the three most widely used mood -affecting drugs in the world.

If you have more than two or three caffeine drinks per day your 'habit' may be affecting you emotionally and physically much more powerfully than you might expect.  

What is caffeine?

 

It is a potent and quick-acting drug which produces an effect similar to the stress response in our bodies. Caffeine affects each person differently, depending on individual circumstances such as weight, build, etc. It has an almost instant effect on your mind-body which will continue to influence your state for 6-8 hours afterwards.    

Caffeine research

 

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New research into the effects of caffeine continues appear every few months and these reports frequently contradict one another - depending on who did the research, how many people were evaluated and, of course, who funded the research... So the definitive word on caffeine has not yet been agreed

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Caffeine affects each of us differently - a hit of caffeine that will cause insomnia in one person can be a great nightcap for someone else

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Take the list below, and the research into caffeine, with a pinch of salt (not literally, of course) and experiment to discover how you, personally, relate with this drug

Reported effects of caffeine

The following effects are commonly attributed to over-use of caffeine - while reading them bear in mind that what is true for one person may not be true for someone else:

1. Stimulates your heart, respiratory system, and central nervous system.

2. Makes your blood more `sludgy' by raising the level of fatty acids in the blood.

3. Causes messages to be passed along your nervous system more quickly

4. Stimulates blood circulation

5. Raises blood pressure

6. Causes your stomach to produce more acid

7. Irritates the stomach lining

8. Makes digestion less effective by relaxing the muscles of your intestinal system

9. Its diuretic effect caused increased urination  - although you would have have to drink about 8 coups of coffee in one sitting for this to occur (1)

10. Stimulates the cortex of your brain heightening the intensity of mental activity. This can result in a temporary feeling of alertness and, in the short term, banishes drowsiness and feelings of fatigue. In those who already have high levels of anxiety the heightened intensity of mental activity can produce unpleasant effects. But check out (2) below which contradicts this.

11. Affects the length and quality of sleep. Heavy caffeine users suffer from sleep-deprivation because their nervous system is too stimulated to allow them deep, restful or prolonged sleep.

12. The American Medical Journal has reported a correlation between caffeine and decreased bone density or osteoporosis in women.

In addition to the above effects prolonged or very heavy caffeine use can produce the following:

13. `Caffeine nerves' a jittery feeling with shaking hands, palpitations, and wobbliness in the legs.

14. Caffeine addiction which involves nervousness, irritability, agitation, headaches or ringing in the ears.

15. Causes your adrenal glands to release their hormones into your bloodstream

16. Causes blood sugar, or blood glucose, to be released from storage through the effects of the adrenal hormones. This gives you a temporary lift but…

17. …requires your pancreas to over-work. This is because your pancreas now has to produce extra insulin to reduce this  extra blood sugar. Once the extra insulin has 'mopped up' the extra blood sugar your temporary lift from the caffeine ends. Your vitality level is back to normal. However in heavy caffeine users the pancreas, in time, becomes over-sensitive and over-zealous. Now it begins producing too much insulin – it 'mops up' not just the excess blood sugar but the blood sugar you need to feel alert and energetic. The initial effect of this is a let-down effect and a craving for more caffeine to give you a further boost. A later effect can be excessive and chronic tiredness, even on  waking in the morning. Some people find that many of the psychological complaints common to reactive hypoglycaemia (the emotional yo-yo effect, shakiness, palpitations, weakness, tiredness, etc.) disappear within a few days of stopping caffeine.

NOTE: The fact that caffeine can produce these  sensations and symptoms does not mean that it is the 'only' cause of such symptoms. But if you experience similar symptoms and your medical advisor confirms that they do not have a verifiable organic cause then you may wish to cut out caffeine for a few weeks to see if the symptoms reduce or disappear.

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