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snavemom 
2:02pm, September 26, 2009
I'm going to try and make this as brief as I can:
Married for 22 years to my HS sweetheart. (Divorced) We had 3 sons. Our oldest son was born with a rare form of dwarfism. However his disabilities he was an awesome individual. I say he "was" because on May 8, 2003 at the age of 25, he died unexpexedly. He actually drowned in the bathtub, due to a "cardiac event". We had no idea he had a heart problem.
I had only been remarried for a year, when this horrible event happened in my life. I have had a hard time with it -but I am learning to live with it. I mean what choice do I have?
I have 2 other sons. I am blessed that I have a good relationship with them both. Since Michael's death, I have become a worrier. If I don't hear from them - I worry. This is what I am left with, after my son's death. I am so afraid I will outlive my sons. I don't want to go through that again.
Then in Jan 2007 my sweet dear Dad died of a heart attack. That was hard, but more normal if anyone can understand that after losing a child.I STUFFED my grief with my dad in order to help my Mom, who was suffering so much. I failed.A year later,March 7, 2008, my 73 year old Mom comitted suicide. She shot herself in the head.
Now that was NOT NORMAL! Suicide SUCKS.
Now, I also have 2 adult step-daughters. ESD1 (Estranged step-daughter 1) has never forgiven her father after the divorce 15 years ago. SD2 (Step-daughter2) has always been sweet and forgiving and in our lives. However, this is looking like it will change.
SD2 is getting married and called to tell us we are not welcome because ESSD1 says she won't come if her dad is there. There are some more family dysfuction there - like my BIL and SIL who do not accept me into the family. And who feel my husband needs to remarry his ex wife. (She was the one who had the affair, and divorced my husband)
Its CRAZY. I know I can handle it. I have handled so much in my life. (I was gang raped at age 6 years old by construction workers) I hate to see my husband in so much pain. Then again, I think we almost set oursleves up for this HURT. We should of known and not EXPECTED anything. It's when you have these unreralistic EXPECTATIONS - that's when you get hurt.
We'll get over it. Now my worry is, because this has happened to us, by his daughters, that perhaps my sons would do this to me. I worry! What can I say???
