TheMermaid's Journal

There's nothing worse than this feeling of sinking into a disgusting black hole. I am sorry I haven't been to this website recently, I have been going through big changes and I thought I was getting well...I spent the little free time I had meeting new people, exercising, working. But this past week, I have felt myself slipping slowly back into the hell I was in weeks and months ago. I hadn't had a major breakdown in weeks, but this week,I had an experience that was less like an episode of depression and more like an expression of sheer sadness, emptiness and an intense feeling of being overwhelmed. I feel emotions so deeply, they cut me to the core... God I wish I wasn't such a slave to them. I have been going through big changes, not necessarily bad ones, but I guess the adjustment period wasn't gradual enough and now I am feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. I feel so silly that its just hitting me now. I'm in this new relationship, it's brand new and very very intense. This could have a big impact on my moods also. The guy says he is love with me after 2 months of knowing me. He spends a lot of time with me, he is caring and loving. But for some reason I felt neglected this week and this weekend. Its only been 2 days since seeing him and I feel like its been years. I feel this urge to disconnect from him. To break up so I don't have to be attached to him anymore. I'm so terrified of growing these feelings for him...I am so afraid of him and what we have. I feel so stupid for all of this, I have no one to confide in... I just feel alone. I have only known him for 2 months and he has made himself the center of my life.. So I'm starting to think to myself, well this feels good, I should just go with it. But my past experiences are making me doubt him and everything around me, like that the second I start to love him, he will leave me. I am so scared.