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molehands 
12:52pm, November 11, 2009
So fed up....... struggling with work- a mix of nights and 12 day shifts. Think this is adding to the havoc in my body. Just seem to be a blur of sweating and horrible pain. Getting more and more muscle/soft tissue pain in left leg even at rest that is most unpleasant and hard to quantify/describe. Its pulsatile but not rhythymic, dull, crampy..... oh I don't know but it is pissing me off. I've got enough joint pain to contend with without this. Not got adequate pain relief either but cannot risk opiates as need good brain function for safe practice at work. So feeling sorry for myself at the moment. Gave work a miss today so yet more sickness time to make up....great.
Got my 4 hr OGGT this thurs and currently doing 2nd urine collection for cortisol so I hope to god something shows up somewhere as I want answers. I'm fed up of not enjoying this life, everything seems so hard and I want to live my life not just exist. I want to feel well, I'm 32 for christsake not 82 and I need to be the healthy one having a partner who is crippled with osteoarthritis all over. He is the one who needs support and at the moment our roles are reversed. He is the one running the house etc.....I go to work placement, sleep lots and eat, thats all I do. Im in the last stages of my nursing training and should be doing an awful lot of study and preparation but i'm notand time is running away. I hope when I qualify I can cope with work fulltime. Its no fun being skint all the time and I haven't been to uni for 3 years for the hell of it. At this moment I really wonder what our future holds. OK rant over... got that out and had a weep, feel slightly less poo now on my poo-o-meter.
Cheers for reading, Moley
Off to dig a hidey hole now x
Comments
OMG Moley I dunno whether to laugh or cry... seriously - when you said the bit: feel slightly less poo now on my poo-o-meter... that finished me! I just indentify with what you are saying very strongly.
You know, I went to uni for 4 years and I have F--- all from doing so in terms of career, earnings or anything! I am glad I went because I did really enjoy my studies and the experiences I had there, but it's a bit of a sore point for me mentally... I am only 29 and I just feel like for the past 18 years I have been living in a weird bubble where I can see the world outside, but can't quite touch it.
It does sound like you are trying to do an awful lot and that you have a lot on your plate in terms of supporting your partner and coping financially. I hope that the tests (which are a pain in the bum also in terms of time and energy required) turn up results that will enable you to feel and cope better in the future.
Anyway, rest up today... it's the snuggly time of year.
x
Vicsta
be kind to you and give yourself a break...it so much fun when you do!!
mctrjt