DAY 1 This is the beginning of …
DAY 1 This is the beginning of what I hope will be the next best part of my life. I struggle with an addictive …
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chrisb1949 
10:38pm, November 9, 2009
I have not been on here for quite some time but I am sorry to say I have let myself down in the gambling department. This is not good for the depression and self esteem department.
It is the same old story just have not been strong enough to walk past a venue when shopping. This is stupid you know that you are an addictive gambler but just how long does it take to finally get it through your thick skull. The damage is done to my peace of mind so I have to start over again. This is the strategy that I am going to put in place now. I have the serenity prayer in my kitchen, so I am going to move it to my computer and each day it will remind me to recite this prayer (as it is beautiful) a few times a day. I know that the only person who can help me with this problem is myself. You know the thing that keeps me going is that if you keep trying you are not failing, and eventually you will learn by your mistakes.
My partner and myself still have not smoked and have come to far to smoke now. It has been 19 week's last Friday.
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I've been taught, by listening to the experiences of other people in recovery, that my recovery depends upon certain efforts on my part, practiced on a regular and consistant basis. Paying attention to my recovery sometimes, or when I feel like it, or when I remember to do so, or after I've relapsed and I'm in misery again....... is not a solution that ever worked for me. There is a phrase that you'll hear at every AA meeting, "Half measures availed us nothing"........ another phrase you'll hear often is "on a daily basis"
I have not gambled for an extended period of time. This guarantees me nothing. I'm still a compulsive gambler and I'm still only one bet away from disaster. Today, I must do work in my program to remind myself of who and what I am, what happened, how I came to be here, and that I cannot gamble successfully. Only if I do these things can I maintain my spirirual defence against my disease.
Recovery, actually, is quite simple........but it's not easy......it requires a consistant effort on my part. My addiction takes no vacations, neither can I.
eastwester
You said, "if you keep trying you are not failing, and eventually you will learn from your mistakes"
Curious, who told you that? I've never seen it in any recovery literature that I've read.
Does this mean that you can continue gambling because, as long as you say that you're trying not to, you're doing something about the problem? Does it mean that continuing to gamble is OK because you're "learning from your mistakes"? Would the same reasoning apply to placing your hand upon a hot stove?......I suppose it'll work eventually.......but it sure sounds like a painful way of dealing with the issue......Wouldn't it be better, and more sensible, to keep one's hand off the stove, knowing that it hurt last time, and it's going to hurt this time too.
eastwester
Hello Chris, I sincerely believe everything that you wrote. It was beautiful, well said and I am with you 100%. You sound very determined, intelligent and willing. You will make it my dear friend, and I am here to root you on, not shut you down. Take care of YOU! xoxoxoxoxo mamabear21
mamabear21