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Soph827 
8:55pm, September 13, 2009
I am doing realli bad b/p atm! smoking far too much,hvnt exercised in almost a wk and feeling really depressed! Sorry I havent journaled for such a long time i feel like im loosing the plot atm! I called in sick to work this morning actually u wudnt believe the terrible excuse i used for my laziness and off mood! I said my nana was sick and I had to take her dwn to dunedin to see a specialist! I feel like such a horrible person , they sed it was fine, had trouble gtn ppl to b able to cover my shift but really went outta thea way to mke sure i could have the day off! and guess what i'm sitting here doing?????? I am sooooooooooo stupid! why cant i just stop! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Then i txt my boss about my 2nd job saying i wont b able to come in tonight to find out that the hrs i want to do arent there anymore anyway! So if i really want to earn enough $ now i have to work 10pm till 1am! and im not sure that is all to realistic cos my other job is random hrs btw 8:15 and 530pm mon til fri! So atm it really is a bit over my head as to what im gonna do! cos rite now as i type i am having a preti bad b/p session, I have a placement to go on in just under a month which i am in no means ready 4 rite now! a resubmitt to do and expectations including writing 1 learning story a wk on a child at the centre i wrk in during the day! and so on!
I guess the only positives right now are that i have a very loving caring supportive bf who i feel like i am disappointing and stressing the hell out of him! and a quite good, cheap flatting arrangement with a close friend of ours! Everything would probably b ok if it werent 4 ed! ed is making everything in my life seem unmanagable rite now! and because im right in the middle of a b/p right now i really cant thk clearly or see clearly what to do about anything in my life!
Sorry i havent been around for such a long time! I might come bk and journal later on today! i thk i should start journaling more often again it keeps me in check with myself and you guys are really good support!
luv u all
Soph
Hope your all doing a lil better than i am rite nw! xo
Comments
Sorry to hear your feeling crappy. I went for a walk today perhaps try walking for a change, the air will help you sleep too.
take care though
mahalarose
aww sweetie its ok...i knwo ur feeling overwhelmed and pissed off at urself...but getting mad at urself is only gonna make u feel worse and drive u deeper into depression thus making ur situation go from fixable to harder to fix....just take a deep breath and start anew tmorrow...go to work, try to not b/p but dont try to stop smoking...tackle one thing at a time...after u get the b/p under control again then tackle the smoking hurdle....
quick question..u said u would have to work 10 pm til 1am...meaning 3 hrs? or 27 hrs?
missyS
Have you ever thought about actually going for treatment for your ED? I think that may be very beneficial to you. It would give you a break, and allow you time to focus ALL your energy on your recovery so you can deal better with the REAL aspects of life. B/P takes up sooo much mental & physical energy. Wouldn't it be nice to have more time to spend on the important things, like relationships, career, and such?
Slimpics
Come on msn and chat sometime. If you need me just send a msg.
SarahLynn
I'm here for you. I''m having a bad b/p too.
vetgirl29
(((hugs))) here 4u hun...dont give u....keep fighting!!!
kmw