Prettyartist's Journal

Well things here aren't going well for me.

I found out I have Scholiosis which is causing my lower lumbar area to ache all the time and now I find out ever since my tumor was removed in 2005 I have had Chronic Neutropenia and never even knew it!  I just found out that it is chronic!!!!!!  No WONDER I am so weak and sick all the time! GAH!

So I have been trying to sell the five acres and was working yesterday at the paperwork and I was late feeding mom (like around 10AM-ish) and took breakfast in to her and she smarts off (she saves her rudeness for mealtimes) to me saying well it is the LATEST she has ever been fed and she thought I wasn't coming until dinnertime. It was just her whole tone when she said it that made me say "That is the meanest thing you have ever said to me" and I walked right back into my room and bursted out crying my eyes out. 

I am caring for a non medicated mental husband, an 81 year old mother with a bad attitude, a hyperactive 8 year old and trying to make it with 4 different serious diseases plaguing me and I don't get once single ounce of gratitude or compassion or love out of any of them.

The doc told me my Neutropenia could turn into leukemia if I am not careful and I need to take better care of myself.  Please tell me HOW?????  So I told them what he said and I said that if I can ever get my damned disability put through I am going to take a rest somewhere for a whole week. If I can make it that long. My attorney said that it could take four years just to get a hearing. I am so tired and weak that sounds like a whole lifetime away!

I have to force myself to walk 30 minutes per day and the pain when I am done makes me just want to go back to bed but I have to do something to try to boost my immune system.  I have tried suppliments, healthy diet, exercise, and nothing is working. Winter is coming fast and I must stay away from being sick and from being around sick people.

I am so tired.