zelzie's Journal

Today I had lunch with an old classmate of mine.  She and I graduated a "long time ago" and met up again about 5 years, ago by accident, at a place I worked.  I would not have recognized her and I know she would not have recognized me.  We do change in 48 years.....guess I'm telling my age...hahah!!  Oh Well..... there has been a "LOT OF WATER" under this bridge, so to speak, since then.  It was a good visit!!

We had a nice lunch.  We went to Picadilly and while we were there the place was "filled" with military soldiers.  My friend said it was for one of our local fallen HERO'S who was killed in Afghanistan Oct 27th (in action).  I worked with this soldier's mom at a local hospital, years ago.  I can't feel the loss they are feeling now, but I "can" relate to having 2 sons deployed to Iraq - Kuwait and Afghanistan, at the same time.  "MY" 2 sons came back safely and I thank GOD daily for that.  That was a year that I didn't watch TV, read a newspaper, hardly breathed waiting for a phone call or someone in a military uniform showing up at my door.  I now wear a bracelet  that states " HONORING AN AMERICAN HERO SERVING IN THE ARMY NATIONAL GUARD" which is what unit one of my sons was in ....the other in the navy.   I will wear this bracelet until they "all" come back home.......whenever that is and however long it takes.  I thanked some of the soldiers, standing at the entrance of the restaurant, for what they were doing for our country.  They were glad to hear that and thanked me.    When my sons left, I put them in God's hands, since this was the choice they chose and if anything happened to them I would accept it.....no matter what!!   Now I'm glad they are both back and retired from the military.  But I pray for all the others daily.  That is the ULTIMATE sacrifice to make for us and our country.

It was also the year that my dad was dying, my husband was diagnosed with CHF (the first time), my daughter had a malignant tumor removed from her bladder, my sons deployed.........I just "DIDN'T GO CRAZY" and that was all.  There were a lot of times I just couldn't breath...everything was too overwhelming.  But I made it through it...   

Today is a GOOD day......things, I feel, are getting better for me.  Don't get me wrong, I still shed a tear for Bobby daily.  Especially at night, when I close my eyes, I can still see him in the position I found him (dead) in.   I don't think I'll ever get that sight out of my mind any time soon.  I just hope it happened fast and he didn't suffer at the end....alone!!

It's a journey where now I'm taking "bigger" baby steps.  I'm determined "NOT" to let anything get me down.....not after all I've gone through.... and there's still more to this story.   Where there's a WILL there's a WAY....and I know things could be a LOT WORSE for me.  I'm grateful for what I have and the support I've received along the way.  Thanks to everyone who helped me get through all of this and to everyone on this website for their support and input.............. Jenny