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About Me
akdiii
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About Me
I am intelligent and have several advanced degrees. To most people I don't appear to have a mental illness since under most circumstances I can function well. However, when I am alone and isolated, or in a conflict situation, I am unable to function. I have 'delusions' that there are people inside me. I feel like I have nothing to live for (even though I know this is not true) and I wish I were dead. I am desperately lonely. This is episodic and I have no clue to what brings on the episodes except loneliness and anxiety over personal relationships. My diagnosis I believe is schizoaffective, depressed. I think I may be bipolar
I am intelligent and have several advanced degrees. To most people I don't appear to have a mental illness since under most circumstances I can function well. However, when I am alone and isolated, or in a conflict situation, I am unable to function. I have 'delusions' that there are people inside me. I feel like I have nothing to live for (even though I know this is not true) and I wish I were dead. I am desperately lonely. This is episodic and I have no clue to what brings on the episodes except
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Close Depression
: Clinical (Major) DepressionI first suffered from a debilitating depression in my junior year in college and had to leave for several months. Since then, I have struggled with the illness from time to time through my whole life. I did not realize that i was any different from anyone else. About 15 years ago I couldn't work and went into a psych hospital. I lost my job and was put on disability. I have worked from time to time since then, but now realize I have a chronic mental illness. I am living alone, and not working. That is a terrible combination and I am working on finding alternative. i need to live in an understanding and supportive environment, but there doesn't seem to be any housing for the mentally ill who can still dress snd cook etc.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- At first it was very helpful as I learned how to understand myself. At present I find it supportive but not really leading anywhere.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- This at times has been very helpful. But I have found that I need to be receptive to itor it is useless. Unfortunately I cannot choose whether or not I am receptive. I seem to need to go through a process before arriving at a place where this will work.
- Effexor Not Working
- When I first started effexor I thought I had found the answer. I felt so functional and balanced. But it stopped working.
- Lexapro Not Working
- I never had much of a response to lexapro.
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- Along with Wellbutrin his is one of my mainstay medications but it is not always very effective.
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- This is the only antidepression I am on at present.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- Like positive thinking this approach is very effective if one is receptive to it. Even when I havent been receptive to it but have done it anyway I have found some relief.
- Paxil Not Working
- Very brief trial to find alternative to Prozac which had stopped working.
- Seroquel Not Working
- I hated it. For one thing it gave me a stiffness that interfered with exercise and also caused weight gain.
- Abilify Working / Worked
