alizarine1963's Journal

I want off this carousel the call life. Though I fear dying , I do not know where to turn at this point in life. I have no passion, my desire is gone, I am a failure and it is of my own design. I will not have the pleasure of seeking to retire for awhile. There will be no disability. In the coming of the new year, I will be forced to overcome my fears and take whatever job that I can find. I have wasted the past 8 years in a job that has more than just cheated me of the prospects of disability. My dignity is gone, I am stripped of my self esteem. My body is amass of hanging flesh and my mind is nothing more than a mass of cells that do not retain much any more. Nevertheless, I have no chance...I must accept my fate and move on down the road.