alizarine1963's Journal

Am I any different than those before me who were thrown into the asylum of hell? Am I any different than those who slit their wrists and tried to bleed out in an attempt to get some relief from the pain? I am aware of what is going on, so very keenly aware--were they ? Did they chose to lose their minds because in their wisdom they came to the devastating revelation that there was no real way out of this hell except to succumb to it and become one with the within. Does knowing what is going on guarantee me any chnace of truly getting out of this personal hell of mine? It does no good to be angry. It does no good to try and feel the emotions that others call raw. There is no cure to this malady, my case being terminal. I am asked to accept it by people who do not understand the hell though the struggle within will never ever be gone. The medications and resolutions do nothing more than place a band-aid over a suppurating necrotic lesion. I am weary on the path and I know not where I am going.I have to trust when I don't where to walk when I would rather crawl, feel along the crevices along the way never knowing whether along the way a scorpion or spider will inflict a painful venom and stop me on my way again. I wander on my way and notice others just as me , no orbs in the sockets the call eyes, wrinkled scars in their space. Yet they can see inside of me and I into them. We have all lost what they call the eyes of knowledge and now in our sighted sightlessness have to feel along the way of certain death. Some cry out in pain as they touch the white hot walls of existence on the way they have been forced to take with no comforts. You may call it destiny but it really has no name. Its name cannot be spoken by those on the path for its very mentioning will cause the most excruciating pain and sudden irreversible madness unto death.