Siege's Journal

     I had another strange experience that I am hoping you will read.  Thanks.

     In the military there is an old adage that states: “If you have something, move it.  If you can’t move it, paint it.”  Well a few days ago my NCOIC approached me with my orders for the day.

“Jewels”, the boss said, “I need you to move the Humvee.”

“Where do you want me to move it to?”

“To where it was last time.”

“Where is it now?”

“I don’t know, ask TSGT Robinson, I had him move it last time”

     I picked up the keys for the truck from the supply sergeant and talked to Robinson about where it was.  After walking ten minutes in the direction TSGT Robinson pointed me in I was able to find the object of my search.  Painted the same colour of the sand it was standing on, it pressed its heavy frame upon giant tires and was caked with dust.  Before moving the beast I had to perform maintenance checks.  Basically it is a series of checks to make sure the machine is operating at peak performance. 

     Opening the truck released a blast of hot stale air that had been sealed up and baked by the summer sun since the last time the truck was moved.  I squeezed into the driver’s cockpit and instantly found myself bathed in my own sweat.  I cranked the engine and it sputtered and coughed up a cloud of dusty sand.  Pressing the accelerator the engine roared to life and settled into a resonant purr.  I moved through the maintenance checklist quickly and purposefully, I wanted to get out of the overbearing heat of the sun.  After the twenty to thirty minutes it usually takes to complete the checks, I shoehorned myself back into the driver’s seat.

     Time to perform my primary mission, to move this truck.  Actually, as asinine as it may sound, moving the truck does have a purpose.  If a truck sits too long in this harsh environment without operation it could begin to become mission incapable.  One does not want to find out that a piece of equipment is mission incapable at the critical moment.

     So I fastened my safety belt, put on my helmet and placed the truck in gear.  It accelerated like a drunken turtle.  I decided to take the truck for a drive around the perimeter of the base.  It is quiet there and I can get a little lost in my thoughts, which have been plenty since coming here.  I made my way toward the wire and knew I was getting close when the paved road turned to dirt.  I reached the barrier and took a quick left turn to drive in a counter-clockwise direction around the base.  The hum of the motor and the pitch and roll of the truck moving over the uneven road was hypnotic.  I leaned forward and placed my chin on the steering wheel, staring through the small thick window up into the pale sky.  The sky above, the sand below, the barbed wire to the right and the guard towers to the left.  I drove the truck lazily along the path daydreaming the whole time.

     After some distance passed I noticed something very strange ahead of me.  As I came closer I noticed that it was a flock of sheep and a shepherd ahead.  “That’s weird” I thought, “how did a shepherd and his flock get on the base?”  I quick a quick look around at my surroundings.  Sky above, sand below, wire and guard towers to the left….

     Wait.  Sky above, sand below, wire AND guard towers to the left?!?

     No no that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.  The guard towers are supposed to be to the left but the wire is supposed to be on the right.  Why is it on the left now with the guard towers?  And why is this shepherd and his flock on the base where the wire is supposed to be on the right and the guard towers on the left but now inexplicably they have now both somehow moved to the left?  And why does this dirt road I am driving on seem to make the wire move farther and farther away?

     It is moments like this when I am glad I have been blessed with the steel trap of a mind I have.  Slowly and very deliberately that trap snapped shut.  I don’t know how it happened, maybe I got behind a convoy or something, but I was able to ascertain, very brilliantly I might add, that maybe I was no longer on the base.  My hand slowly reached down to my side.  Yep, just as I feared, I left my sidearm on the table at the office.  I slowly turned my head around to peer backwards.  Yep, left my rifle too, but there is plenty of ammo there.  If anything happens I will just grab a handful of these and chuck it at any potential assailant.

     As that steel trap of my mind was now working overtime to figure a solution to my latest predicament, it became apparent to it that it has to get the body it is encased in back to the place where the sky was above, the sand below, the guard towers to the left and the wire to the right.  Now how does this get accomplished?  It thought maybe I could crash through the wire, but it heard that there may be mines just outside the wire.  It didn’t think I wanted to test the armour on the truck.  I could turn around, but turn around to where; I don’t even know how I got off the base.  I could radio in, but nope I am not interested in mopping floors for the rest of my military career.  C’mon steel trap, help me out here.

     I have studied many things in my life.  I have learned from the wisest of teachers and philosophers.  I have been educated by Einstein and Euclid.  I have studied the sonnets of Shakespeare and the speeches of Cicero.  I have debated the delicacies of Dante and the dissertations of Darwin.  I have been blessed with some of the best intellectually stimulating company one can imagine.  But when faced with the possibility of being trapped outside a friendly military base in a war zone there really is only one dude that can help.

God.

     “Please Please Please help me get back on base,” I said out loud.  “Please please please, I know we don’t talk much but I promise to call my Mother more and I will stop stealing my Papa’s tools and I can’t promise I won’t stop lying to my girlfriends but they lie way more to me so really that cancels everything out.”  The only answer I got was the dust kicked up from the rolling of the tires.  I looked to my left.  Yep, the wire was still there.  “Ok I promise I will, gulp, call my sister.”

     I rolled over a small hill, more like a sand bar really.  As I rolled over it I saw a small gate guarded by a team of Ugandan guards.  Yes!  God Rocks!  Hey, now all You got to do is get me through this gate without any trouble and I will be set, thanks.   I drove up to the gate with the most austere face I could muster.  I looked at the Ugandan.  He placed his finger close to the trigger well of his AK-47.  I gave a quick two finger salute.  A bead of sweat rolled down the back of my neck.  The guard gave the truck a quick look over, turned his head to his teammate and signaled to raise the gate.  Yes!  God Rocks Still!

     As I passed through the gate a sense of calm came over me.  As that steel trap that is my mind started to put things together, I realized I would have eventually run into a gate.  All I would have had to do is keep the wire within sight and keep driving.  I panicked for nothing.  Well, now that I am back on the base, I guess I really don’t have to give back that screwdriver.  And I was supposed to call someone, who, I can’t remember now, oh well I guess it really isn’t that important.

     And as I confidently drove back to the rally point, the left rear tire suddenly went flat.

Ok that last sentence didn’t happen but I wanted to put a button on this little tale.  Thanks for reading another one.  When something else strange happens I hope you will be willing to read that one too.