Journal Entry for September 29, 2009
September 29, 2009 8:37pm
i am begging god to coem and take me fromthis pain and misery. i cannot take any more of it. i have had it. it is over. i am over. i am zero.
slowmotionmovie 
7:18pm Wednesday
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About Me
slowmotionmovie
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About Me
i don't know who i am. i fight for my life everyday it seems. sometimes the moment i set my feet on the floor i feel a n anxiety attack coming. often times anxiety will last for 4 or 5 hours. i don't take xanax cause i don't like how it makes me feel. i have bipolar II, GAD, social phobia, panic disorder, depression - i am an art director, graphic designer, photographer, musician, traveller, wine lover, food lover... but my life feels so very much over, so i am nothing. all day, every day.
i don't know who i am. i fight for my life everyday it seems. sometimes the moment i set my feet on the floor i feel a n anxiety attack coming. often times anxiety will last for 4 or 5 hours. i don't take xanax cause i don't like how it makes me feel. i have bipolar II, GAD, social phobia, panic disorder, depression - i am an art director, graphic designer, photographer, musician, traveller, wine lover, food lover... but my life feels so very much over, so i am nothing. all day, every day.
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Interests
if you'd like to chat, please email me first so i can know ahead of time. sometimes it looks like i am online, when in fact i've stepped away form my computer.
if you'd like to chat, please email me first so i can know ahead of time. sometimes it looks like i am
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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1 hug received
Wednesday
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slowmotionmovie updated their status 7:18pm
is feeling flat supposed to be a good thing? -- that!…
November 15
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slowmotionmovie and RememberingRach are now friends 2:01pm
October 25
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slowmotionmovie updated their status 6:14pm
feeling neutral. want to feel good. is that too much to expect, damnit!?…
October 24
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slowmotionmovie posted a new photo 12:47am
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slowmotionmovie posted a new photo 12:47am
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Journal
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when will it be finished? i cannot wait.
September 28, 2009 10:27pm
i am sick
i am rotten inside
with self hatred and shame
i try to shake it off
i hate my life
i hate getting up evry morning to the same fucking …
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Journal Entry for September 28, 2009
September 28, 2009 3:21pm
as far back as i can remember, i am not able to recall times of happiness. should i be able to? do other people have the ability to remember days or …
This entry is private
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar II - Spectrum Disorder
Treatments
- Lithium Working / Worked
- god this makes my toss and turn all night and wake up feeling like ive been hit by a train.
- Lamictal Working / Worked
- started 300mg, considering increase to 350mg
- Lithium Working / Worked
- god this makes my toss and turn all night and wake up feeling like ive been hit by a train.
- Paxil Considering
- started at 5mg, increasing to 10mg
- Requip Working / Worked
- horrible restless leg syndrome also hoping to get some damned libido - where has it gone? :(
Close Depression
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- i just found a therapist who agreed to see me on a sliding scale. i am desperately broke, but desperate as well. hope the trade-off is worth it
Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
i don't have a life because i am afraid of people and life. so i stay at home hiding. i cannot work because i am afraid i will do something wrong, or make someone mad. i don't feel safe around people. i just cannot wait until i am home and safe.
Open ADHD / ADD
i am told that ADD/ADHD is likely part of this black ball of hell i am dealing with
Treatments
- Adderall Working / Worked
Open Sexual Abuse
i was sexually assaulted by family member, clergy and older males throughout my childhood, adolescence, and teenage years
Open Self-Injury
i have started dissociating when i have severe panic attacks and have cut myself moderately - this is a recent development..
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
multiple instances of trauma throughout my life - seem to never stop
Treatments
- EMDR Too Soon to Tell
Open Incest Survivors
i was molested numerous times by a family member as a child.
