HeatherAvia's Journal

I seen a doctor yesterday..He is very nice, and seems to be quite understanding when it comes to mental health etc..he didn't hesitate to give me my benzo's, which was such a relief...lI felt better almost immediately. I am down to 2 a day when needed which usually ends up being one a day and a lot of coping. Although I am guilty of taking 3 in less then 12 hrs to get rid of all the withdrawal my body was in. I feel ok today and I can breathe, for the first time in months. He is continuing me on clomipramine, regulating me on this dosage and then adding seriquil. I have tried that before but just at bedtime to help sleep, but never with other meds. I hope it helps. He is also referring me to a psychiatrist. 

Honestly I don't see how any of this is going to help me when I live with a man who doesn't care. Who doesn't understand and who does not try in the least to help me. My daughter is ODD which in itself is very hard on me. She constantly calls me vulgar name and is so disobedient its disgusting. She needs help of he own and I tried. But the meds made her gain so much weight that I cried and took her off them after 2 years..I would much rather he this way..I will be looking into some form of therapy for  her in the near future though. Her behavior irks my husband and all he does is pick at her every word..even when she is doing nothing he will find a reason to fight with her..he is so adolescent. I asks them not to speak all the time..No amount of meds will help me if I can't have peace in my life..and people around me who care for my well being. Maybe I need to ask him to move out until I'm doing better, maybe for good. Not like I can move my child out ..shes my baby no matter what. I thnk I have to much thinking to do, to many decisions to make. Would it ever be nice to have a man to support me, and understand my bad day and maybe try and take a little of the wieght off my shoulders. A girl can dream right?