1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning …
1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning it is another sleepless night. I still have trouble believing that I developed …
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Kristaus 
11:43pm, September 14, 2009
What in the world??????
What in the world am I supposed to do with news like this? Well let me try to start at the beginning!!! I am 28 years old and I haven't seen my bio. Dad ever he disappeared out of my life about 27 years ago. Now all my life I wondered.........
What kind of person is he?
Does he think of me?
Does he remember me?
Does he want anything to do with me?
and if he does where has he been all my life?
What does he do for a living?
Maybe he is Dead?
I don't know A lot of questions well I have been trying to locate him for a few years now and finally this year my mom came involved in the search and found his mother!!! wow I talked to her and she was so excited to hear from me which i was very excited but still not sure what to think!!!
Well she said she doesn't know where my father is right now and that she hasn't herd from him in months but as soon as she hears from him she will call me. well over the next few months i keep ed calling to she if she heard anything and NOTHING....... well almost a year later she finally herd from him and she got his number from him I called him and WOW I talked to him it was nice he was so sorry for not being there and he told me a lot about himself. Over the next few months we talked over text message (he doesn't like talking on the phone) and during these messages I got to know all about him actually more than i wanted to know but hey Then I asked him what does he know about me? and he said in his drunken state Nothing Nothing at all so I got kinda mad who wouldn't?
Anyway I haven't been talking to him much at all lately because he said until he pays his bill he has to pay 10 cents a min. so OK i kinda left him alone for a while Then the blow came today!!!!!! he send me a text message that says "Don't ever forget I love you" I said why is it don't ever forget is there something wrong or you still cant talk?
Then he says "MY DOC SAYS I HAVE 6 MONTHS TO LIVE" What in the world? I asked him if i could call him and he said Please don't i am going to see another doctor tomorrow. and thats it. How am i supposed to feel? I don't know how to feel I am mad and sad but somehow at the same time part of me is just like whatever. How wrong of me I do care for him I just don't know what kind or relationship we have as father and daughter and if he really meant to be a part of my life.
I am so scared that I wont be able to ever see him and then what he is GONE. I don't know what to think right now a lot of thoughts going through my head
What am I so post to do?
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I am just getting to read this post today (Oct 6th) I would say to keep trying to talk to him. Do whatever it takes to make him talk to you. If he prefers texting then do it that way. It took you too long to find him to just be mad at him and ignore him. No matter how mad he makes you.
Yes, it sucks that after all this time now he may be dying, but if there is 6 months left, then make those 6 months matter! I am not sure if you are ready to do this, but tell him you forgive him for not being in your life. That may break down that wall he has put up and allow you two to talk more freely and honestly.
You need to know important things like medical history (for you and your son) and also find out his likes and dislikes. You'd be amazed at how much you are like him! I didn't have a relationship with my father until I was 23. I made a choice at that point that whatever had happened in the past , was the past and I wanted to know who he was NOW. My brother and sister haven't been able to forgive him and form a relationship with him because they are stuck in the past playing the blame game. Why didn't he try harder to see us? Why if he was our father didn't he fight harder in court to get custody of us? My siblings and are were ultimately raised in a very abusive home and this makes it especially hard knowing he didn't try everything to save us from that.
But I know from experience, that forgiveness and moving on is the healthier way to go about this. That is why I am sharing this with you. Of course you can do what you want, but I have know from experience that *I* am mentally healthier and more at peace within myself, having got to know him and have a positive relationship with him. AND I found out why I like this or don't like that; because my father has the same likes and dislikes! That is something my siblings will never know.
This is just my take on it and I hope it helped. Take one day at a time. That's all either of you can do. :) Cheryl
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