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ElijahsMommy 
5:57pm, August 22, 2009
working out everyday !!!! feeling a lot better about me
UPDATED GOALS
working hard back at the gym 3 lbs down goalis to lose 55 by summer :)
UPDATED GOALS
i have sat for almost 5 weeks looking at my beautiful little princess bianca and cant help but be so grateful for having her and her daddy in my life i have to say its been a hard challenging emotional 5 weeks everytime shes in the car seat and i cant see her while im driving i reach back to make sure her chest is going up and down and while im sleeping jumping up feeling like i have been sleeping way too long and that she could already be gone. but then i realize what are the odds of something like that happening again and i know she is just perfectly healthy and fine i just am so pazraniod i try to imagine what i would possibly do if anything ever happened to her and its all BAD i hope i never ever have to know that feeling again. well elijahs second angel day is coming up on january 12 and its going to be hard because i go back to work the first time the 13th great timing huh lol well i will just have to use my inner strength to get through it all....i cant help but feeling bad too because my fiance has never had a child before and here i am so paranoid and its effecting him too we were in the car last night and his sister in law was in the back seat with the kids and he goes jocy can u make sure my babys breathing please i was so crushed that thats even where his mind is it makes me so sad. he is soooo in love with this little girl he just looks at her like she has his whole heart and he called while he was at work and she was crying and he was like whats wrong with my baby make sure you take care of her good okay and im like baby relax lol and i could hear in his voice that her crying was breaking his heart.... so i guess the moral to this journal is to update everyone and let them know we are all fine here but to also say that this year im going to make chsnges in my life im going to take better care of myself so i feel better go back to the gym i entered a weight loss contest at my local gym and im ready for it. im going to be a great fiance sister and mother to the most important people in my life im not going to stress about the little things becuase lifes too important and most of all im going to appreciate everyday and work hard to give my daughter the life she deserves and never ever take her fo granted....so its a new year i have a new baby and a new start to my life happy 2009....thanks for reading guys
UPDATED GOALS
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Don't you have a monitor?? Go to WalMart and get an AngelCare monitor. It has a sensor pad that you put under the mattress (make sure it is on a hard surface like a cutting board)If the baby stops breathing it will alarm after 20 seconds, so you KNOW when that monitor is quiet your baby is fine!! I couldn't live without mine, Justin actually has 2 different sensor pad monitors in his bed, the AngelCare and one called Baby Sense, that I got off EBay.
JoleneL
Addison is now almost 11 months old and I was just like you and still am to a certain degree. You will relax a little the older your little one gets. I think when Addison is a year old I will relax some more. I really commend you on your outlook for the up comming year. I think any time you have lost a child you realize that every day is a gift and every day with your child is a gift. Good luck with the weight loss, I think I am going to try and put a bigger effort into it too. We can be weightloss buddies! Anyway congrats on your little girl and I hope you have a fantastic 2009.
chastityrudisill
I hate that your joy is fogged by fear. I hate that you lost Elijah. But I'm so happy that you are enjoying your baby girl Bianca and that she has a great daddy in her life. Keeping you and sweet Bianca in my prayers. Hugs, Cynthia
crwtom